


Amidst Shadows and Lights

by inbetweencabs



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-06
Updated: 2011-08-06
Packaged: 2017-10-22 06:56:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inbetweencabs/pseuds/inbetweencabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clairvoyant photographer Adam Lambert is being haunted by visions of a murder and right at the center of it all is Kris Allen, missing heir of a prominent family with an infamous history. Adam flies halfway across the world to find Kris but what he finds there is something that can change his life. Or end it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the second round of kradambigbang.
> 
> Warnings: allusions to dub-con, minor character death

 

It was high noon when Adam woke up. His hair was matted to his scalp and he could smell the sweat from the two days that he hadn’t washed it. He was lying naked in the middle of a queen-sized bed, the whirr of the air conditioning not able to mask the stifling heat that came from the glass door opening into the veranda. The glare of the sun seemed different in this place, he thought, as the warmth touched his bare leg, making him momentarily remember the summers he spent without a care in the world, when he lived for the moment and never really knew what regret meant.

He got up, the threadbare carpet scraping gently against the soles of his feet. He grabbed the pair of boxers he threw carelessly on the bedside table and slipped them on, its scratchy fabric rubbing across his half-hard cock. He put on a shirt, and with a half-full water bottle in his hand, he walked over to the glass door and opened it.

The air smelled of tropical weather – slick, humid, oddly intoxicating all at once— and he flinched slightly when the harsh rays of the sun touched his skin. His eyes were greeted by a city which had its nooks and distinct character magnified as if hit by a spotlight. He’d never been to Manila before this trip – and if he was being honest, he might not have considered it – but Adam had learned that some things did not come to be so they could be controlled. The hand of fate that led him to this unfamiliar city was definitely one of those.

He walked back into the comforts of his air conditioned hotel room and checked his phone which was lying under his pillow. No messages. He opened his inbox and within minutes, he was reading Allison’s e-mail.

 _He’s in Xaymaca down in Timog Avenue five times a week. Good luck._

The e-mail’s attachment was a link to Google Maps and a blurb about Xaymaca on a Manila night scene website. He smiled as he read and browsed through the posted pictures before rummaging through his bag to get his camera out. Clicking the different parts into place, he went back outside on the veranda to capture the first impression of the city that was in the throes of living.

Leaning against his camera, he thought, a few more hours and then maybe it could all be over.

 

: : : : : 

 

The rhythmic thumping of the bass guitar masked the pounding of Adam’s pulse when he arrived in Xaymaca. The band was still on sound check but there was a steady stream of reggae music playing in the background, intermittently drowned out by the discordant noise of the guitars, percussion and horn instruments coming from the small, makeshift stage. The crowd didn’t seem to mind as they chatted among themselves, the seemingly endless supply of alcohol and the air which smelled of sweat, sex and weed making the energy within the small club sedate and relaxed yet laced with an undertone of recklessness.

All of the ten tables were already occupied, leaving plenty standing around with their drinks. Adam stood by himself in a dark corner after getting his vodka soda from the waiter who met him at the door. It was a typical Manila summer and the heat was intolerable. Adam’s black shirt clung to his back, the humidity making his thighs sweat and itch within the confines of his tight jeans. Several people looked his way: others were merely curious, most were attracted and the bolder ones actually walked towards him and smiled in invitation.

But Adam was focused on one thing, his eyes never leaving the bar and the man behind it. Adam had spent months tracking him down and there was no way that Adam would let him out of his sight now that he was just standing a few feet away from him.

The elusive Kris Allen.

Adam knew what Kris looked like and what he did for a living, knew about his family and his favourite ice cream flavour, the name of his first goldfish – Allison made sure that he did. And Adam carried all of that knowledge with him as he got on that plane that took him from Dallas to Manila, hoping to find answers from the man who had haunted his visions and dreams.

Adam took another sip from his glass as he saw Kris step away from behind the bar. Kris had a bottle of beer in his hand as he walked towards the stage before chatting with the guy in glasses who was tuning a guitar. Kris's white shirt was almost sheer and when the stage lights hit it, Adam saw the moist patch over the arch of Kris’s lower back. It made Adam think of how Kris's sweat pooled there before it descended beneath the waistband of those tight jeans.

The music in the background was turned off and Adam shifted to look at the stage where the band was finally all set up. The guy in the glasses introduced his band as Tropical Smoothie before they launched into an old Bob Marley song that sent the crowd to its feet.

It was like a switch was flipped on and Adam felt like he was in the middle of a pot of slithering and sweaty bodies, all rubbing up on each other as the staccato beat reverberated through the small bar. The heat turned up a notch and from behind him, Adam could smell the newly lit pipe. He remained in his place but the pulse of the music made his body sway as if he was drunk. There was something so liberating about it that when an anonymous pair of hands pushed the pipe into his hand, he didn't even hesitate before taking a hit.

Then there were hands roaming free all over his body and Adam just let the music take him away. He could feel the beads of sweat travel from his hairline down towards his jaw. He closed his eyes, felt the salt on his lips.

 _The alley was dark and there she was, writhing by the far corner, her moans going a pitch higher as the moisture pooled between her legs._

 _She could see nothing but darkness and yet, when he touched her, it was as if she could see everything. Her eyes fluttered open and that was when she saw him, a familiar face from when she was younger, half-remembered but at the end of it all, distinctly unforgettable. His lips began to move against hers and she could do nothing but whimper his name._

 _"Kris."_

 _Her heart burst as if she was falling in love but she choked instead, her lungs gasping for air. And as she came, her eyes rolled back, unseeing and lifeless._

Adam gasped, his hand going to his chest as he opened his eyes. He blinked when the loud music and bright lights filled his senses once again. His hands were shaking but when the pipe was passed to him once again, he took it, almost dropping it in his haste to take a hit.

The smoke filled his mouth and he inhaled deeply, the warmth working through him as he deliberately tried to push the images away from his mind. He danced and tried to lose himself in the music; he had not even realized that his eyes were closed until he felt someone kiss the back of his neck. He turned to look to see who it was – he would not be opposed to taking someone back to his room, he had a feeling that he would need the distraction – but instead, his eyes fell on the bar and on Kris.

Kris was staring back at him, his brow slightly furrowed in curiosity. Adam felt a chill go up his spine but he could not help but look as Kris drank from a bottle of beer. When Kris put the bottle down, Adam saw Kris lick the moisture from his lips. Watching him play with the bottle, biting his lower lip as if forcing back a smile, Adam could almost feel, could almost taste him. In his gut was a need laced with fear that made the roaring in his ears louder until he felt like he was in the middle of a dream and Kris's mouth was wrapped around his leaking cock, tongue slippery and talented and so insistent.

Adam groaned, his head tilting back a little. His mouth fell open in a moan, then he found himself grabbing and kissing a smaller man with almond-shaped eyes and straight black hair that fell to his shoulders. Adam opened his mouth and took in the probing tongue but when his eyes strayed back towards the bar, Kris was still watching him with his head tilted a little, full bottom lip slightly jutting out. Adam grabbed a fistful of hair and delved deeper into the mouth he was kissing all the while keeping his eyes locked with Kris's. Kris rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip as he talked to another bartender but he kept his eyes on Adam, as if challenging Adam to look away. And then Kris licked his lips where his fingers had just traced.

And just like that Adam was coming, moaning from the back of his throat, , his mind clearing out. He panted and let his head fall down onto the shoulder of the man in front of him. The man was still rutting against his leg but Adam didn't even care, his breath catching in his throat as the visions of the lifeless eyes in the dark alley came back to him. As if from a distance, he heard the guy let out a long-drawn groan as he came.

When Adam looked back at the bar, Kris was nowhere to be found. Adam let out a deep breath, eyes scanning the room for Kris; when he wasn’t able to find him, he felt the coldness settle in his chest, imposing and uninvited.

He disentangled himself from the arms around him and quickly stepped out of the club, flagging down a cab to go back to his hotel. He was visibly shaking and he couldn’t blame the driver for giving him nervous looks through the rearview mirror. He tried to concentrate on the sights and tried to hum with the music coming from the cab’s radio as they drove along, but his heart kept on hammering in his chest, making his breath come in small gasps.

As soon as he was up in his room, he dialled Allison’s number, not bothering to turn on the light in the room. Allison picked up on the third ring.

“I found him,” he said, his voice loud in the eerie silence of the room.

“Oh, that’s good, right?” Allison replied. “Wait, you sound weird. Are you OK? What the hell happened?”

At Allison’s muffled curse, Adam said, “don’t worry, I’m alright. I just… I just had a very weird night.”

Allison still sounded worried when she said, “are you sure, man? I told you that it was not a good idea to do this alone.”

“And I told you that there is no other way to do this.”

Adam pressed his back onto the stack of pillows by the headboard and felt his muscles relax. Allison’s voice was a reality check for him, something that he could hold on to so he would not find himself drifting away.

“Seriously Adam, be careful. I’m doing everything I can to help you so you can come back here as soon as possible.” Allison was more relaxed now and Adam knew that it was because she heard him starting to calm down.

“He looked good.”

Adam could practically see Allison rolling her eyes. “Yeah well, we’ve only seen him in pictures and we know he looks _good_.”

“I meant he looked… I don’t know, like he wasn’t bothered by anything, I guess.”

Allison huffed in disagreement before she said, “Your visions are never wrong, Adam. You know that.”

She was right and that sent a chill down Adam’s spine. And he had to remind himself that he was not the one who made all of those things happen, that his mind did not send all of that _energy_ into the universe to be manifested. He had to tell himself constantly that this was a gift and not a curse.

He needed that to keep himself from going out of his mind.

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t have the visions.

It always came when he wasn’t exactly aware of where he was. Maybe he would be staring into space, his mind empty and fleeting. It would sometimes come when he was drifting into that very quiet space between sleep and awareness where every faculty was somehow heightened, making everything seem clearer and more _real_.

The only constant was it never failed to come. It frightened him as a child and some of his most vivid memories from those early years were of him waking up in the middle of the night and running to his parents’ bedroom, his own sobs the lullaby that put him to sleep.

The lack of sleep made him jumpy and agitated. He also started to have an irrational fear of darkness and shadows. When he was nine, his mother sent him to see a therapist. He was given exercises to help him sleep and that helped him enormously. As he grew older, he engaged himself in an inordinate amount of activity which ironically gave him some semblance of control.

That was why Adam always filled his days with an endless stream of events and people, seeking noise to find reprieve from his own mind. He began falling asleep when he was too tired to even have the beginnings of a dream. The visions still came but before they even completely descended on the edges of Adam's consciousness, Adam would find himself awake and driving it away even as his palms were moist with sweat and his heart beat furiously.

But sometimes, he still dreamed even as he lay awake. There was never a warning, just the hairs at the back of his neck standing up before the vision filled him up, drowning out the reality that he had trained himself to grasp firmly.

But nothing haunted him as persistently as Jade Capriccio did.

Adam would never forget the day that it started five years ago. He was having breakfast when his attention was caught by the picture of a brown-haired young woman named Jade Capriccio who had been reported missing. Something about her made him pause and briefly wonder whether he had known her in passing.

Without warning, the world blacked out and just like that, Adam was in a dark alley, seeing Jade’s face contorted in pleasure, her mouth opened in a moan.

The sudden vision caused Adam to drop his coffee mug in shock and the sound of it hitting the floor brought him back. His eyes were riveted on the TV screen where Jade Capriccio’s face was smiling back at him. The drone of the news reader’s voice mingled with the buzzing in his ears and the pounding of his heart. He looked down, shaking his head, trying hard to concentrate on the way that the broken ceramic and coffee spilled messily on the wooden floor and his snakeskin boots.

But there was no escaping what he saw and from then on, Jade’s death had become a constant image being cruelly rewound by his mind. It used to visit him every night but as the years went on, the interval at which he saw it became longer.

But it became more elaborate and Adam was able to see more details about Jade’s death.

He saw Kris Allen four years after Adam first had the vision.

And always right before Jade gasped out her last breath, Adam saw Kris’s face through her eyes, Kris’s smile inviting yet cold.

 

: : : : : 

 

After that night in Xaymaca, Adam had taken a long soak in the bath to try to relax himself and then lain awake on his bed until dawn came. He stared at the ceiling for the most part, trying hard to focus on the way that the lights coming from the glass door danced with the shadows. His laptop was open beside him but after a while, he shut it closed. He then turned the TV on but put it on mute.

As soon as the sun was up, Adam went out of his hotel room clutching a piece of paper which contained Kris's home and work addresses as well as detailed directions on how to get there. It also listed Kris’s usual work schedule.

Adam reached Kris’s apartment earlier than he had expected because he thought he would get lost. The labyrinth of alleys and streets was like a maze which Adam navigated on foot, his hand clutching the bottle of pepper spray in his small messenger bag as he walked. When he reached it, Adam realized that it was actually just a thirty-minute walk from his small hotel which was located in Ermita, Manila’s red light district.

The apartment complex was old and nondescript. Its rusted green gate was slightly ajar and Adam saw a rather well-kept yard with clothes lines hanging by the entrance. There was a small store selling various food items and knick knacks beside it, and Adam talked to the lady watching it to confirm that he was actually at the correct address. When the lady said that yes, that was the place he was looking for, Adam decided to have breakfast across the street where he could have a good look at the apartment.

He had already eaten half of his ham sandwich when the gate opened and Kris emerged. He was wearing jeans that looked really soft, a faded red shirt and grungy white sneakers. Kris looked around before crossing the street, giving the lady in the small store a huge smile. He then went into the eatery where Adam was and bought a cup of coffee before walking out and getting on a jeepney.

Adam got up and hailed a cab, then asked it to follow Kris's jeepney. Despite the air conditioning, the heat in the cab was stifling but Adam did not take his eyes off Kris, who was just nodding his head in time to the music coming from his earphones.

After twenty minutes of being stuck in slow-moving traffic, Kris got off the jeepney and walked into a small run-down single storey building with the painted and faded sign "Malate Reproductive Health Centre" hanging above the front door. There were a couple of people going in and out of the facility, and Adam knew that he would be totally conspicuous if he went inside so he decided to just stay at the coffee shop at the building across from it.

The coffee shop was located on the second floor and after checking out his vantage point, Adam saw that the corner table afforded him a good view of the health centre's reception area. There sat Kris, his head of brown hair standing out amidst the black-haired ones. He was sitting behind a small table, his head bowed down as he wrote something on the paper in front of him. When he lifted his face, he spoke to the young girl sitting across from him. She was obviously crying and when Kris lightly touched the young girl's arm, Adam felt his heart beat wildly in his chest.

 _"Touch me," she whimpered._

 _Brown eyes glittered with malice and danger, and he did._

 _The air stilled._

Adam shivered. He grasped the coffee mug tighter until his knuckles were white, the bones straining painfully under the stretched skin of his hands. Then he was back in the coffee shop, the jazz background music a quiet hum surrounding him. He shifted his focus back onto the building across the street and he saw that Kris was getting up, the young girl he was speaking to already walking towards the back of the clinic.

Taking a deep breath, Adam took out his notebook and started to scrawl down everything he observed, as well as the information Allison sent him. He took out his laptop and brought up a PDF document, a locked file named "The Southern Bells." He was reading through it when the chimes by the door made a noise as it was opened, and in came Kris.

Adam quickly closed his laptop even if Kris wasn't anywhere near him. He clutched the notebook protectively to his chest as he eyed Kris's every movement. Kris was ordering two tall frappuccinos and talking to the cashier as if he knew him. He probably did and Adam noted the easy way that Kris seemed to get along with everyone. He was unfailingly polite but also really quite friendly, as he was the night that Adam saw him in Xaymaca.

Kris paid for his coffee and turned around, once again catching Adam’s eyes before he could look away. Adam flinched at the recognition he saw in Kris’s eyes. He quickly looked down and pretended to write something on his notebook. Not long after, he breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the cashier say goodbye to Kris. He kept looking at his notebook until he was sure that Kris had already left.

Adam slumped back on his seat, trying to calm his rapidly-beating heart. He let out a sigh as he stared at the Bell Family Tree on his laptop screen.

The Bells were considered minor celebrities the way that rich, beautiful and pedigreed children of famous families were. Adam had developed a silly adolescent crush on Brad Bell, the family’s most recognizable heir. Brad was on every magazine and tabloid, his partying and associations with infamous personalities feeding the gossip mill. At that time, an event was considered a failure if Brad didn’t show up and that was why everyone wanted to have him.

Brad was beautiful in the way that all mischievous angels were. The way he lived his life with the carelessness that could only come from extreme confidence and positivity was the envy of everyone. He acted as if the world was under his command and maybe that was why it actually was. No one ever said no to Brad Bell – it was impossible to not give in to those famous big brown eyes.

All of the Bells had brown eyes that could turn from pleading to mischievous to downright wicked within the blink of an eye. Adam saw it whenever he watched some short clips of Brad on TV and looking through the magazine articles, he quickly noted that their eyes were all the same. It was not just the color or the shape or the size – it was how those eyes glinted against the light, looking through the camera as if they were beckoning you to come forward and take, to _touch_.

At that time, Adam was already able to control his visions and was only getting them intermittently in his dreams, interspersed like wayward radio signals that were wired into his brain. But when it came to Brad, Adam couldn’t tell the difference between a vision and a fantasy. It disconcerted him especially when he woke up sweaty and his cock hard, not knowing whether to feel excited or not that he was fucking Brad in his dream. And all of that just made Adam incredibly and terribly infatuated.

That was how Adam came across the Bell family history. The family’s rise to fame started when one of their ancestors, Sylvia Allen, married the very wealthy landowner Montgomery Bell. They had been a prominent family for decades, with branches scattered across most of the Southern states. In fact, most thought that the Bells practically owned the South because some of the most powerful people there turned out to be related to the Bells in one way or another.

Most of the Bells were captivating not just because of the stories they had to tell but mostly because of their lifestyles. There were the extravagant and worldly ones – those who bought pleasure with the money that came with their name and heritage. But there were also the ones who chose to lead quieter lives, allowing their more rambunctious relatives to entertain the masses with how the rich, famous and entitled live their lives. That didn’t mean that they were less interesting though; in fact, as Adam learned later on, these were the people who helped make the Bell family name still as illustrious and prominent over the years of frivolity, hearsay and scandals.

Just like everything else about them, the rumours surrounding the Bell family were otherworldly. Knowing about them was like reading a piece of fiction that, if it were to take place in the real world, would only be regarded as a myth. Adam was fascinated by stories about the Bells but nothing captured his attention more than the story surrounding the marriage of Sylvia Allen and Montgomery Bell.

When he first read about it, Adam was convinced that it was just a matter of a story taking on a life of its own, the cobweb of misinterpretations and misguided opinions making it seem more than what it really was. But then there were the matters of the public records of a murder and an investigation that fuelled the speculation, thereby giving the family a rather infamous reputation along with the glamour, beauty and wealth that it came to be known for.

Adam sighed and looked down the window of the café where he saw that Kris was already crossing the street. He looked at his laptop screen again, at Kris’s name written at the bottom of the family tree beside Brad’s, and once again wondered where his visions were leading him.

 

: : : : : 

 

It was midnight and Adam was sitting in a Starbucks a few blocks away from his hotel when he got the e-mail from Allison. As soon as he saw the attachment, he called her.

Without even saying hello, he said, “this is confirmed?”

“Well, hello to you too, Adam,” Allison said, but her voice also sounded troubled through the line. “And yes, this is confirmed.”

Adam closed his eyes and breathed out. “So Jade Capriccio was Kris Allen’s first love?”

“I wouldn’t say that she was his first love because they weren’t even together _together_ …”

“You know what I mean, Alli. Stop with the semantics.”

Allison sighed. “OK, whatever, but yes, they were at summer camp together when Kris was 15 and he wrote her love letters and songs. It was actually pretty sweet…”

“Yeah, and she’s dead. And haunting my brain for the last five years.”

A few seconds passed before Allison replied. “Are you sure it’s Jade you’re seeing in your visions, Adam? I mean, you did say that the woman’s face in your dreams was partly hidden by shadows… ”

He cut her off. “It’s her.” He would recognize her face anywhere.

Allison’s loud and troubled sigh made him clutch his phone tighter as he recalled everything. A buzz went through his body, like an itch he couldn’t quite scratch and get rid of much as he wanted to.

He spoke softly. “Stop being so worried, Allison. I can handle this.”

“OK, OK,” she replied, her voice resigned. “Are you doing your job though? I mean the job that pays you and not the stalking-Kris-Allen thing.”

Adam had to laugh at that. “Well, yeah. I took some pictures of the churches here. I think Lane would be pleased.”

“She better be because you practically badgered her to send you there so you could pretend to take pictures,” she scoffed. “Little did she know that you had something else planned. Not that I can blame you or anything.”

“Yeah, a man’s got to do what he’s got to do.”

Allison groaned. “Aw Adam, don’t pull that crap on me. You know I support you 100% but I worry about you.”

Adam smiled, his heart melting at the thought of Allison’s dear face. She was like a sister to him, had been since they met when Adam was looking for a researcher to help him with his very first picture book collection. He was looking for obscure New York rock bands to profile and Allison, a vocalist for an all-girl band, was his eye on the underground club scene. It had been six years since then, and Allison had left the music scene but she still helped Adam whenever she could even if she had started to work for a history professor at NYU.

She had also become one of Adam’s best friends, one of the very few people who knew about his visions. Adam never found it easy to tell someone that he was clairvoyant, that what he saw went beyond fortune telling and some silly preconception that was almost always associated with such a gift. Especially when the years went by and what he saw became darker and brought out an intense emotional response in him.

His affection for Allison made Adam say, “I know you do, you always have…”

“It’s just that, so far, this is the only time that _you_ were actually in the vision, you know? So I’m just a little worried.”

Adam closed his eyes, “And that’s why I need to figure out why I'm seeing everything through the victim’s… through Jade Capriccio’s eyes.”

“Or do you mean, why you were seeing Kris Allen before Jade died.”

A cold shiver ran down Adam’s spine as he remembered Kris Allen’s brown eyes staring coldly at Jade – at _him_ – and the frightening and heady feeling of helplessness and surprised abandon that took him over before gasping out that very last breath.

“Just… I promise to be careful. I’ve been following him around and he hasn’t been doing anything out of the ordinary.”

But Allison knew him well and she said, “Just remember that he’s a Bell, Adam. Be careful.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “He’s an Allen…” When Allison huffed, he conceded and said, “alright, he’s a distant cousin of the Bells….”

Allison cut him off. “A direct descendant of Sylvia Allen, which makes him more dangerous.”

“I don’t know, Alli,” Adam hedged, remembering the gentle and reassuring way that Kris spoke to some of the people in the health centre. “Could I be wrong? Maybe the visions mean something else.”

“Do I have to remind you about Sylvia Allen’s murder trial? Do we need to go through the details again so that Kris Allen does not get to you?”

Adam groaned. “Allison! He is not getting to me!”

“Right.”

“He’s not! He’s just… not what I expected, that’s all.”

“You and I both know that he isn’t what he seems, just like all the other Bells.”

“Kris was not even in the US when Jade died. It's been proven that he was in Paris visiting family.”

“OK, his family is really influential. They could’ve easily erased those records. Can you imagine if the Bells had a murderer for an heir?”

“Yeah, they’re influential but I doubt they could’ve produced all of that evidence…”

Allison cut him off. “Or it could be that other theory too.”

“You’re basing this argument on an urban myth.” Adam rolled his eyes. “The Bells are not witches, stop it.”

Allison’s voice became a little louder as she argued. “There's a reason why there are myths, Adam. Haven’t you really wondered why they're the way they are? Like they can always get what they want, who they want. There’s something different about them. And you know about Sylvia Allen and that cat that wouldn’t leave her side.”

“OK, let’s take a step back and look at this logically…”

“Says the clairvoyant who has no idea why he’s chasing a dude he doesn’t know halfway across the world.”

Well, she had a point and Adam had to smile at that. “I’m just saying that there could be a reason why I’m seeing Kris. I mean, I’ve never chased anyone because of a vision before, I always had it under control.”

“Just don’t discount any possibility. That’s all I’m saying.”

Adam wasn’t in the mood to be lectured by Allison. He was exhausted and the heat was killing him so he tuned her out as he looked around. He noticed that the coffee shop was almost empty except for him and another guy reading a book at the corner. Looking at his watch, he saw that it was 2am, and saw the staff looking at him and the other guy as if willing them to go away.

He shut down his laptop as he spoke to his phone. “Hey sweetie, I’ll call you back. I need to go back to the hotel.”

“Alright, avoid me and my perfectly sound theories. Just call me tomorrow then.” Her voice was teasing, making Adam smile and miss her even more. She sighed before saying, “be careful. OK, Adam?”

“I will, I promise,” he solemnly replied before ending the call. He then put his laptop in his backpack, grabbed the cookie he wasn’t able to finish and stepped out into the street.

It had rained earlier in the day so the street was still a little wet but the air was humid, making his skin feel sticky and clammy. There was laughter and music coming from the various establishments that he passed by; the sound of a man drunkenly singing “My Way” from one of the open-air restaurants made him chuckle and swallow his cookie too quickly. Adam avoided the small puddles of water all over the sidewalk as he walked quickly while looking down to avoid catching the eye of the various women and men who were standing in the shadows and street corners, asking if he wanted to have a good time.

He took a shower once he got to his hotel and then he was lying in bed with only the lamp on the bedside table illuminating the room. He grabbed the notebook which was on the floor by his bedroom slippers, and read through his and Allison’s carefully researched notes which he already knew by heart.

When Adam booked the flight, he thought that he’d see Kris and he’d know why he was seeing him in his vision of Jade Capriccio’s death. He had planned to talk to Kris, to tell him that he had a way of seeing what had happened. He was not sure why he thought that would help; maybe a part of him wanted to be certain that what he saw wasn’t just a sign that he was finally beginning to get unhinged.

Adam followed Kris everyday for a week and found out that Kris pretty much had a routine. Kris went to the reproductive health centre every morning at about 8, had lunch at the small grilled chicken eatery beside it, went home before dinner and then left again at about 9pm to go to Xaymaca when he was scheduled to work nights. Every Tuesday, he went to the mall near the health centre, saw a movie and grabbed some groceries before going home.

If there was anything out of the ordinary, it was how Adam felt himself responding to how Kris lived his life. It was quite simple: he lived in an unassuming old apartment, took the public transportation, ate at the numerous local eateries near his home and workplace. Looking at him without the prior knowledge of his background, no one would ever guess that he was actually part of the famous Bell family with its reputation for attracting attention like it was second nature for them to be on a pedestal.

To say that he was fascinated was actually a huge understatement because Adam was inexplicably drawn to Kris, with only his visions keeping his interests in check. And he had to keep Allison’s warning close to heart because being too attached to someone like Kris Allen was really not a very good idea.

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam was feeling restless. It had been nearly two weeks since he started following Kris but as the days went by, the restless energy he had when he first came to Manila seemed to fizzle out and he was at a loss for what to do.

And that was why he decided to take a cab and head out to Xaymaca. Adam knew that the possibility of Kris recognizing him in the small club was greater but he didn’t really care anymore. Or maybe he just wanted to see Kris again in the club where Adam saw him for the first time, hoping that the thing that had eluded him while following Kris during daytime would surface again and remind him why he was doing all of this in the first place.

But Kris was not around when he got there. The club’s atmosphere was still the same and the crowd was still sexy and uninhibited, but Adam felt disconnected. He found his eyes wandering to the bar once every few minutes until he stepped out of the club right in the middle of the headlining band’s second set. He still had a half-full glass of vodka soda in his hand, the light sheen of sweat on his face cooling down as the fresh night time air hit it.

He gulped the contents of his glass quickly and handed it over to the bouncer by the door before heading out into the street. It was past midnight but there were still a few people walking around, their laughter mingling with the random sounds of cars passing by. Adam was still feeling hot, his shirt uncomfortably stuck onto his sweaty back, so he decided to walk around the nearby park to cool down.

The park was dimly-lit and there was a small waterless fountain right in the middle of the quad. Some couples were making out by the flickering lamp posts and there were a couple of cigarette vendors hanging around the bench near the centre, obviously playing some kind of card game. Homeless families had set up camp for the night, choosing the cool and dark corners of the park, letting the shadows of the billowing trees’ leaves give them a false but desperately needed sense of protection.

Adam breathed in and walked quickly across the park, his eyes straying alternatively between the shady-looking group of young boys at the dark end of the park and the policemen roaming around the area, walking as if what they were doing was just really a stroll in the park. It was just his luck if he got mugged, Adam thought, and he didn’t even notice that he was walking towards the far end of the street.

He felt pretty nervous when he saw that the lamp posts were placed farther apart in that part of the park. He walked faster but didn’t realize that he had stepped into a residential street. It was pretty quiet, the lights coming from the already-closed houses. He quickly turned back, the lights of the park growing brighter as he drew nearer.

But before he reached the corner, someone gripped his left arm and put a hand over his mouth before dragging him into a dark alleyway. The man who dragged him was smaller than him – he could tell that much despite the pounding of his heart and the blazing panic running through his brain – but he was strong, especially since Adam was too shocked to even put up a fight.

Adrenaline started to kick in and Adam started to push at the arms around him, opening his mouth to bite at the hand covering half of his face. The man behind him cursed and Adam took note of the twang, the accent – and the blood froze in his veins.

He began to struggle harder, trying to get some leverage to push at the man’s stomach with his elbow. The man grunted and three more stumbling steps later, Adam felt the front of his body connect with the rough concrete wall, a hand closing at the back of his neck dangerously.

Adam closed his eyes, his feet shuffling under him in an effort to get away. The man gripped both of his flailing hands and Adam felt the hair at the back of his neck stand up when hot breath grazed it.

The hand on his neck loosened a bit and Adam looked back, more than a little heady from the fear – and if he admitted to himself, excitement – of finally seeing the eyes he knew would be staring back at him.

“Who are you and why are you following me?” Kris Allen whispered into his ear, his grip unrelenting.

Adam just stared back, the realization that he was seeing the hint of danger in Kris’s face through his very own eyes and not through Jade’s, hitting him. The thought made him shiver, the familiar feeling of terror constricting his chest as he gasped for breath.


	2. Chapter 2

 

“I asked you a question.”

Kris slowly twisted his hand which gripped the man’s arms and he saw how his eyes closed in pain, his mouth opening in a painful whimper. He gripped the base of the man’s skull menacingly and hoped that it would send his message loud and clear.

He had seen the man following him everywhere for the last couple of days; with his tight jeans and dark eyeliner, he was hardly inconspicuous. It didn’t help that they were in an Asian city, making him a head taller than almost everyone. Even when he was quite far away to be actually noticed, Kris still saw his black hair and blue eyes. Even some of the people who worked with Kris had noticed the man’s lurking presence and thought that maybe he just had a crush on Kris, that he was just too shy to ask him out.

But they didn’t know the secrets that lurked Kris’s past, the snippets of his life that haunted him wherever he went. His life was not as simple as he wished it was or would be, and that was why he just had to know who the man he had backed against the wall was.

The man stopped struggling but Kris still maintained his tight grip. He gritted his teeth when the man remained silent. “Tell me your name.”

“Adam,” the man said in between choked breaths. He still had his eyes closed as if he was afraid to look at Kris.

“Alright, _Adam_ ,” Kris leaned closer to whisper in Adam’s ear, “maybe you can now tell me why you’re stalking me?”

“I saw…” Adam gasped out and Kris loosened the grip on his neck a little, “I saw you and Jade.”

Kris’s pulse started to quicken and he pushed Adam harder against the wall. “I don’t know a Jade.”

Adam’s eyes opened and the fear was gone; in its place was just plain and simple curiosity which confused Kris even more.

“Let me go and I’ll tell you all about it.”

Kris narrowed his eyes. “Don’t even try to do anything because you have no idea what I can do to you.” He then slowly let Adam go.

Adam slumped against the wall, falling on his knees and breathing deeply. Kris took a few steps back warily and braced his feet steadily, ready to protect himself if Adam moved to hurt him.

But Adam did nothing but just sit on the ground, his arms slung over his bent knees and face upturned towards Kris.

He really was beautiful – Kris would have to be blind not to notice it. The shadows cast by the dim lights coming from the end of the alley fell on Adam's face, magnifying its fierce sharpness. And yet there was a vulnerable softness around his mouth, something that would have made Kris want to know him better in a different time.

Or maybe a different life.

But he knew that thinking about that was a moot point so Kris just stepped outside of himself, holding on tightly to the only way he had let himself live.

 

: : : : : 

 

They ended up going back to Xaymaca, Kris walking a step behind Adam to make sure that he went where Kris told him to. The band had finished its set and there were just a few hangers-on still drinking and bopping their heads to the music. Kris felt himself relax a little, knowing that he would at least be safe with his friends nearby just in case Adam tried something.

Not that Adam did anything except stare at him. Kris found it disconcerting to be the focus of Adam’s attention, of those blue eyes that seemed to try and read him from within. But apart from that, Adam just walked with a graceful gait with only the rigid set of his shoulders telling Kris that he was still a little scared.

Kris could not decide whether to be disturbed or relieved with that thought.

They sat at the far end of the bar, the darkness giving them some semblance of privacy. After ordering drinks, Kris said, “Let’s get this over with. What do you want?”

Adam looked straight at him when he replied. “I told you. I saw you and Jade.”

Kris hastened to deny knowing Jade but Adam cut him off. “It would really be a waste of your time to deny knowing your first love.”

Kris felt his face flush, the sudden rush of anger going through his body making him clench his fists. What he felt probably showed in his face because Adam’s eyes widened in surprise and curiosity, his distracting mouth parting slightly. Adam actually looked fascinated, taking in Kris’s reaction with his head slightly tilted.

“If you know what’s good for you, you will stop talking about her. You will stop saying her name.” Kris leaned forward, his mouth softly brushing the lobe of Adam’s left ear. “You will go back to whoever sent you here and leave me alone.”

Adam turned his head before Kris could move away. His mouth was just an inch away from Kris’s when he said, “I saw how she died, Kris. I saw through her eyes. I saw how you were the last person she saw.”

Kris tried to keep the surprise from showing on his face as he slowly moved away, gaze never leaving Adam’s face. “I’ve never seen Jade since high school. Sorry to disappoint you but…

“I first saw her – it – in my dream…”

“Really? You saw it in a _dream_?” Kris sneered and raised an eyebrow.

Adam closed his eyes. “Yes. Jade remembered all the songs you wrote for her and that yellow star pendant you gave her when summer camp ended. You told her that you got it in a thrift store in LA when you visited your uncle and it reminded you of how she loved watching the stars at night.”

Kris felt himself gape at Adam who was now slowly opening his eyes, looking unfocused for a moment, as if he hadn’t just told Kris that he saw one of his fondest memories – something that he had kept a secret from everyone – in a dream.

A moment later, his gaze fell back on Kris’s face, intense and beautiful, and Kris couldn’t stop the shiver that went through his body.

“Did you know her? Did she tell you this?” He couldn’t stop the slight tremor in his voice when he spoke, a muted echo of the pain he always felt whenever he thought of Jade.

“Kris, I swear that the first time I saw her was in a dream right after I caught the news item about her when she died five years ago. You can have my background checked and you would see that I’m telling the truth.”

“How…”

“I told you, I saw through her eyes. I felt what she was feeling and her thoughts were my own every time I dreamt about her. And that memory was what went through her mind when she saw your face.”

“Right before I killed her.”

Adam tried to hide the wince before he nodded but Kris still saw it. Kris wanted to laugh at how unbelievably surreal his life was. He bit the inside of his cheek and pushed the memories of Jade away.

“Who are you then?” Kris found himself asking, the confusion weighing heavier than everything else at that moment.

“I’m a photographer and a writer, and I was doing research on your family when I first saw you in my dream…”

Kris laughed, the disbelief evident in its mocking tone. “So you’re one of them. Congratulations. You found the missing Allen, the missing _Bell_ ,” he drew the last word out with disdain.

Adam raised his eyebrows. “I’m not here to gossip. Your family is very prominent and there’s a lot of interest in you so we featured you in our books. I swear I’m not just trying to get a scoop or something.”

Kris just shrugged, fully intent on not letting his guard down.

Adam sighed. “I’m not working on the Bell book anymore. I asked to be pulled out of it when the visions about you and Jade started coming.” He waved his hand vaguely towards the door. “I’m actually here on assignment, to take pictures of the churches in this city.”

“No. You’re here to stalk me.”

“Well, yeah, that too,” Adam bit his lip and Kris tried not to smile at the grudging honesty.

“If you were doing your research right, you would know that I wasn’t even in the US when…” Kris broke off and swallowed hard, “that thing with Jade happened.”

“I know.” Adam stared at him intensely and Kris felt his hand clutch the bottle of beer he was drinking from tightly, the condensation slipping through his fingers not doing anything to make him look away from Adam’s face. “But you _are_ Sylvia Allen’s great grandson. And if the stories are to be believed, being in a different place doesn’t really work as an alibi for you.”

Kris let a few seconds of silence sit between them, all the while not breaking eye contact with Adam. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware that most of the people had left and the club’s staff had started cleaning up, the sound of clinking glasses and cutlery coming from behind the kitchen doors. But all of that seemed so distant, as if he was seeing it from afar, and maybe he was, because right there before him was a reminder of why he always chased reality away.

And he was good at that, an expert even, and he’d be damned if someone like Adam broke him.

Kris put the beer back on the countertop, wiped his hands on his jeans and sighed. “Sorry, man. You can follow me all you want but you’d get nothing because I have no idea what happened to Jade.” He shook his head and looked at his feet. “I really can’t understand why you’re here.”

“Kris,” he looked up when Adam softly spoke, “if I’m being honest, I had no other personal interest in you or your family before this. I followed your cousin Brad’s life as a celebrity and nothing else.”

Adam shook his head when he said, “That’s why I really have no idea why I got on that plane and came here to chase you.”

Kris marvelled at the way that Adam’s wry smile gave him such a believable expression of disbelief. But Kris decided to stand and put his beer back on the countertop. “Then leave me alone,” he said before turning away without looking back.

 

: : : : : 

 

Kris stood in the darkness, looking at the stranger – Adam – who had disturbed his carefully crafted peace and quiet in the few weeks since he appeared. Adam’s expression was a cross between resigned and curious after Kris had left him sitting in the bar by himself, and Kris just could not seem to look away. And if he was being honest with himself, Kris wanted to stay and talk to Adam, maybe just to ask him about the things that Kris had left behind.

Kris did not come to Asia on a whim; it was probably the most difficult decision that he had had to make.

When Kris was named heir, the surprise within the family was as palpable as that which went through the observing public. Nobody really knew who he was; it was as if he came from nowhere and then there he was, placed side by side with the always-compelling Brad.

Kris loved his family, even the ones he was not particularly close to. The fame and notoriety that they inherited along with the wealth and the name gave them a sense of isolation, and they all depended on each other, fiercely loyal and protective of their own. Kris was not a stranger to that feeling and though he found himself questioning why he was chosen, he still spent the first few months after being named heir attending meetings to get to know the more prominent side of his family, especially Brad.

But then Jade was killed.

Kris was meeting an uncle in Paris when it happened. His mother had called him, telling him that Jade’s sister had told her that right before Jade was killed, she had told her sister that she was about to meet Kris.

It was at that time that Kris understood the slightly frightened look that flitted through his mother’s otherwise elated expression when she wrapped him in her arms after they received the news that he had been named as heir. It was never discussed within the family but Kris knew about the myths surrounding their name, and how a chain of events had led to that.

When Kris learned that there were red rose petals scattered over Jade’s body, the coldness in his heart turned into a hatred that came from disillusionment, binding him with the same force that love and loyalty did. And he knew that if he wanted to actually live, to _breathe_ , he had to leave and just be someone else.

And it worked – for the most part. But there were times when he saw Brad’s face in the news or heard something that reminded him of his family, and he would feel that pull in his gut that made him remember the things that he had convinced himself he never wanted.

That very same feeling always came over him whenever he saw Adam. And it just unsettled him because there was nothing in the world he wanted more than just to sit in that bar a little longer, just to hear Adam talk and maybe laugh. Maybe Kris would laugh too, like it was possible that something as mundane as conversation on a summer night could lead to something tangible and life-changing, and Kris was not sure if he could afford to have something like that.

And so he left, content to stand in the dark, looking at the back of Adam’s head as he walked away. In that way, Kris could still hold on to the perfect fantasy that would stay completely unchanged even if reality came to claim him once again.

 

: : : : : 

 

A week had already passed since Kris confronted Adam; it had also been a week since Kris last saw him. Kris was pleasantly surprised on the first day of Adam’s absence. He even entertained himself with the thought that maybe Adam had finally accepted what Kris had told him, opting to just head back home to pursue more worthy stories.

But the days went on and Kris found himself looking around, craning his neck even if he knew that he wouldn’t see the familiar face that became his shadow for a few weeks. He relegated the slight twinge of sadness he felt to the fact that he lost a familiar face, something that reminded him of the home he wanted to run away from but still missed terribly.

And so, Kris was not prepared for the frantic beating of his heart that came with being pleasantly surprised when Adam reappeared on the doorstep of his apartment several days later. But as soon as he saw how pale Adam’s frightened and tense face was, Kris’s mind raced and he swallowed hard, fear settling in his chest.

Adam clutched Kris’s arm tightly as he said, “Hunter. Do you know where Hunter is?”

Kris felt the paralyzing fear course through him when he heard what Adam said. Adam just uttered the name again and again, as if it was a mantra.

“Adam,” Kris said loudly, his own voice trembling.

But Adam just stared into the distance, blue eyes unfocused and bright, as he babbled.

Kris reached up and cradled Adam’s face with both of his hands before softly saying, “Adam. Yes, I know where Hunter is.”

That made Adam focus back on Kris, eyes widening in sudden recognition. “Kris! I… I don’t know…”

“I know where Hunter is,” Kris repeated, his throat tight at seeing Adam at his most vulnerable.

“He’s going to die,” Adam said, still looking deep into Kris’s eyes.

The coldness seeped into Kris’s heart and then he was suddenly very aware of how close he was standing to Adam, how his trembling fingers were splayed against Adam’s freckled cheeks. And there was nothing he could do but to take an unsteady step back, his mind racing with just a little too much, his chest heaving with fear, anger and resignation.

“We need to go inside, Adam.”

Adam followed blindly, reaching out to hold on to Kris’s arm after a few steps. Kris turned to look back and held Adam’s shaking hands as they walked to the couch.

“I saw you there again,” Adam said softly, looking both scared and intrigued.

Kris felt his jaw clench and he closed his eyes, willing the tension to slip away from his shoulders. “What did you see?”

“Right before Hunter dies, he sees you,” Adam breathes deeply, “and I felt how much he loves you, how happy he is that you’re there.”

That made Kris look up. “He loves me?”

“I saw through his eyes, Kris. I felt what he felt.” Adam was still sitting rigidly a few feet away from Kris, his shaking hands resting lightly in his lap. “And then, he says your name, you kiss him and then he dies.”

Kris let himself fall back on the couch, staring at ceiling unblinkingly. Kris didn’t even realize that Adam had moved closer until he felt Adam’s hands rest over his. The tender touch made him straighten up and move away from Adam.

“Hunter’s dead,” he said flatly. “He died here in Manila six months ago.”

Kris tried not to look at Adam’s shocked face as he continued speaking. “That’s why I’m here. He was helping with the health centre, heading the AIDS program when he died. Someone had to take over for him so I came over and I thought… he got mugged, they said.” He smiled ruefully. “Yeah, because muggers spread red rose petals over the corpses of the people they accidentally kill.”

Adam didn’t speak but he moved closer and wrapped Kris in his arms. Kris just let himself be enveloped in the hug, resting his cheek on Adam’s chest, appreciating the warmth but not wanting to reciprocate.

When Adam spoke, it was barely a whisper.

“He loved you, Kris. He did, even to the end.”

And then Kris gave up, letting the battle he was waging with himself completely cease, and he just let himself _feel_.

 

: : : : : 

 

“Hunter was my college roommate. He was an amazing guy, really popular with everyone but still cool, you know? He knew who I was and if anything, didn’t want anything to do with me at first.”

“How did you become friends?”

“Music. He had a band. They were performing for the dean. Their guitarist had measles and I volunteered to step in.”

They were sitting in Kris’s kitchen, facing each other across the small table and holding steaming cups of tea, Adam watching Kris in the light that streamed into the kitchen window, looking every bit the person in love describing the person he loved.

“You weren’t in a relationship?” Adam asked, putting his chin in his hands.

Kris looked down and stared at his mug, a small smile playing over his lips. “No, we were just the best of friends. I kind of felt like maybe he did want to ask me out sometimes but…” he shook his head, “yeah, it just didn’t happen.”

“You didn’t let it happen,” Adam said it softly, risking a light touch on Kris’s arm.

Kris looked up at him and didn’t say anything for a minute – just stared at Adam as if trying to read something in his face. Adam didn’t know what he saw but when Kris spoke, his soft voice was filled with both trust and resignation. “Yeah, I didn’t really want it to happen. Well, I _did_ but it just didn’t seem like a good idea.”

“Why not? Clearly, he must have had some feelings for you because aside from the friendship, I felt something stir when I...” Adam cleared his throat, “he saw you.”

Kris then looked at him as if he was trying to see if he was being serious. “It just didn’t happen at that time. See, there was already some talk in the family about me being named as heir along with Brad.”

Adam’s confusion probably showed in his face because Kris leaned forward on his elbows and explained further. “I was just as surprised as everyone else when I was named heir. I mean, there’s Brad and we all thought he would be the only one. I didn’t really think much of all that talk but I thought that if it did happen, it wouldn’t be a good idea to drag Hunter into all of that as my boyfriend.”

Adam breathed out, shaking his head. “Would your family disapprove? Is that it?”

“No, it’s not that,” Kris explained, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he spoke. “Being a Bell heir means having a lot of responsibility and I thought it would be unfair to have Hunter go through that with me.”

Kris smiled ruefully. “I had such trivial reasons. And now he’s dead too.”

Adam swallowed, pulling at Kris’s arm gently until Kris looked up at him with clear brown eyes. “Do you have any idea who’s behind this?” Adam deliberately pushed away the thought that Kris could still possibly be the one who did it.

Kris shrugged. “It could be anyone who knows who I am, I guess. Maybe it’s just a coincidence.” He leaned back on his chair and narrowed his eyes at Adam. “You know, it could have been me. I mean, you saw me in your dreams, it’s all there.”

They stared each other down, the obvious provocation hanging in the air between them. The hardness was back on Kris’s face and Adam wanted to just reach out and wipe all that sadness away.

And Adam found himself thinking, believing that for the first time, his visions were wrong. So he said, “Well, yes. But this time, maybe I’m just meant to see something else.”

Kris did not even flinch but Adam saw him swallow, saw him start to breathe deeper. Then Kris reached out to touch his hand before softly saying “thank you.”

 

: : : : : 

 

“He’s telling the truth,” Allison said, her voice clipped and matter-of-fact beneath the very loud crackling sound on the phone line.

It had been three days since Adam last saw Kris, their last conversation playing on a loop inside his head. He stayed in his room, read all his notes and wondered how they’d missed the significance of Hunter Gould’s friendship with Kris. Allison was very thorough and he thought he was too, with all his research and interviews.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” Allison sighed. “We were just so focused on Jade and ...”

Adam cut her off. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over this. How were we supposed to know that Kris was in love with Hunter? He told me himself that they were just best friends, nothing of the wooing that obviously happened with Jade.”

“But still…” Allison was silent for a few seconds before continuing in a softer voice. “Hunter had been in Manila since 2008, only coming home once, for Christmas 2009. He was killed just six months ago.” Adam heard the shuffling of papers from the other end of the line before Allison continued. “Kris has been away since 2006, a year after his college graduation when he was named heir along with Brad Bell. He was in Singapore when Hunter died.”

“And he was in Paris during Jade’s,” Adam said thoughtfully, carefully writing on the margins of his notebook.

“Adam.” Allison’s serious tone made Adam stop writing. “Please come home. You told me you wanted some peace of mind and just…” she sighed, “I know you, he’s gotten to you and you’re gonna want to help him. People who get close to him end up dead in a ditch somewhere, Adam.”

Adam wanted to protest and assure Allison that he was fine, and the peace he was searching for when he got on that plane was just within his reach – he wanted to believe that himself.

But he knew that Allison would see right through it, would hear in his voice that the confusion he had felt since getting that very first vision of Jade, was lying like a dormant storm beneath all the seemingly stable current that flowed between him and Kris.

“You won’t be able to bring Jade and Hunter back. You won’t be able to protect anyone if you’re dead.” Allison’s voice was soft, almost pleading.

Adam closed his eyes, a headache starting at the back of his head. “I know, but I just need to know why I was brought here because I’m sure there’s a reason why I was led to Kris.”

“And maybe you should stop trying to take Kris back.”

And then, there it was, the words hanging in the air like an accusation, spoken aloud as they broke the silence that Adam used to protect himself with. Maybe he never really stood a chance, or maybe he was just too weak, or maybe he was already playing on the edges of the truth.

Never in his life had he hoped that maybe, what he had always known was wrong. When he finally spoke, he was startled at the conviction that laced his voice.

“I think if there was someone who could take him back, it would be me.”

And once those words had left his mouth, Adam realized that maybe he had already made the choice from the first moment he saw Kris’s face through Jade’s eyes.

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam had known from those earlier days of following Kris around that the health centre was quite busy during the mornings. His research and Allison’s told him that the centre was technically funded by the Manila city government but received most of its budget from non-governmental and humanitarian organizations. Situated in the heart of the red light district, the centre was designed to cater to prostitutes who could not afford proper reproductive health care. But Adam took note as the weeks passed by that most of the patients were indigent mothers who came into the clinic carrying malnourished children with bloated bellies and wearing the air of misery like a second skin.

The staff worked like a well-oiled machine; the volunteer doctors, nurses and civilians all knew what the task at hand was. As he had told Adam, Kris replaced Hunter as the head of the AIDS programme and he concentrated on finding donors who were willing to help the centre’s HIV-positive patients.

Adam knew that the best time to drop by the centre was 10 minutes before 5pm, right when the mothers had gone home to feed their children and just a few short hours until the working girls walk down the streets to start another day.

The centre had a very small receiving area with plastic chairs lined up side by side into four rows. There were only two more women left sitting in the first row, which was just about five feet away from the reception desk where Kris was sitting with a Filipina girl. Adam saw the girl nudge Kris, making him look up as Adam walked in. The surprise was evident in Kris’s face but he raised his hand in greeting and motioned for Adam to come in.

“Hey man, what brings you here?” Kris was smiling but the way he was drawing his eyebrows together made it obvious that he was also worried. Adam supposed that was only to be expected, given the reason he had sought him out previously.

So he grinned playfully and said, “I need condoms,” leaning on his elbows that were resting on the desk.

Adam was pleasantly surprised when Kris actually blushed. Adam’s loud laugh made Kris glare at him playfully.

Kris’s tone was light when he said, “Yeah? Do I look like I give away free condoms to random men?”

Adam didn’t even blink before seriously saying “yes.”

“Yeah? If you want condoms, I’m gonna have to sit you down for our briefing.”

“I’ve got time now.” Adam crossed his arms across his chest as he smirked playfully at Kris.

Kris laughed and shook his head. “Let me get the forms then.”

Kris turned to reach behind him to get a piece of paper off the top stack. When he raised his arm, his shirt rode up and Adam found himself looking at Kris’s flat stomach and the top band of his underwear. Adam didn’t realize that he was staring until he heard a giggle from the girl sitting next to Kris. She was looking at them with a gleeful expression on her face, her chin resting in her hands. Kris turned back, looking adorably confused before introducing her as Lei, one of the nurses in the clinic.

Lei shook Adam’s hand and when she got up to assist one of the patients, Adam didn’t miss the wink she directed at Kris. Adam was quick to note that Kris blushed even harder.

Kris motioned for him to sit in the chair vacated by Lei. He then said, “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I was working.” Adam chuckled at Kris’s confused stare. “Well, not to hurt your ego or anything, but I’m really here on an official job. I had to have an excuse so I could follow you around.”

Kris raised his eyebrows, obviously teasing, but what he said was, “So you were taking pictures of churches.”

“Yes, some really old ones in Tagaytay, you know that city by the mountains about two hours from here?”

Kris nodded. “So that’s what you were doing when you disappeared that first time?”

“Pretty much. I was in Cebu then,” Adam explained, mentioning an old city in the southern part of the Philippines. “Well, I wasn’t really scheduled to fly there yet but you scared me.”

Adam actually felt his eyes widen in surprise when Kris chuckled loudly. “Yeah, I can be pretty scary.”

“Well, duh,” he rolled his eyes as Kris just continued laughing.

The relief he felt at how open Kris was around him surprised Adam. For someone like him whose life had always been ruled by what his mind fed him, having something – or _someone_ – that just took him away from all of that was the very definition of freedom. It never happened much but Adam always recognized it when it did and what he had with Kris was certainly one of those.

“So where are you going next? There are a lot of old churches around here,” Kris said as he waved the last patient towards the doctor’s office door.

Adam shrugged. “Just in the city, I guess. I haven’t been around much.”

He was genuinely surprised when Kris turned to him and with a slight hesitation in his voice, said, “Do you want me to show you around?”

Adam wasn’t able to speak for a few seconds and that made Kris shrug and say, “hey no pressure, man. I know… I understand if you’re not comfortable hanging out with me, I just thought…”

“Kris.” Adam touched Kris’s arm gently. “I’d love to. And it’s totally your fault that I’ve only been to places where _you’ve_ been.”

Kris shook his head and his eyes were bright with amusement. “I didn’t tell you to stalk me.”

“Well yeah, fair enough.” Adam smiled. “So are you free tonight? You can show me where to have the best dinner around here.”

“I don’t have to be in Xaymaca until about ten so you’re on.” Kris grinned at him before he got up and excused himself to answer the phone.

Adam looked at Kris and he took note of how bright his smile was, how his usually-rigid shoulders looked absolutely relaxed under his thin white shirt. In all the times that he had followed Kris around, Adam never saw him this unguarded and that made Adam smile.

Later that night, as they were having dinner, Adam told Kris about the change he saw and he was quite surprised when Kris just blushed and relaxed even more.

Adam blew out the breath he was holding. “Oh that’s good. I really thought that you were going to punch me in the face.”

“What made you so sure I wouldn’t?” Kris chuckled before looking straight into Adam’s eyes. “You know everything about me. There’s no need for me to act a certain way around you now.”

“Do I? Know everything about you, I mean.”

“Yeah, I think you do,” Kris said softly.

Adam narrowed his eyes as he took in the completely laidback expression on Kris’s face. His brown eyes were bright with humor but underneath that, there was a vulnerability that made Adam feel that Kris was telling him the truth. For a moment, Adam felt oddly exhilarated before he reminded himself that sometimes we really do just see what we want to see.

They were sitting in a small Chinese restaurant a couple of blocks away from Adam’s hotel and Kris’s apartment. It was an old establishment, filled with the dinner crowd who were being served by a staff that was becoming increasingly frantic as more orders for dim sum and chicken feet were shouted at them. There was no air conditioning and the sound of the heavy traffic outside filtered through the open doorway, filling the small place with background noise that made everything else fade away except for the here and now.

All of that distraction was not able to stop Adam from trying to reconcile the Kris in front of him and the one in his visions. But he came up with nothing except the way that Kris looked at him at that moment, fond and real.

Kris chomped on a piece of shrimp dumpling, leaning back in his chair and looking around the eatery with an amused half-smirk on his face.

“I love places like this,” Kris muttered, taking Adam out of his thoughts.

“The food is amazing,” Adam commented before taking a sip of jasmine tea.

“Look at all these people. They all have different lives. Sometimes, I wonder who among them likes the life they have.”

“I think it’s human nature to actually want something you don’t have.”

Kris nodded and rested his elbows on the table, leaning towards Adam. “Do you ever wish that you didn’t have the visions?”

“All the time.” Adam leaned towards Kris too, their face inches apart. “Do you ever wish you were someone else?”

Kris smirked at him. “Didn’t I tell you that you know everything about me?”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Adam shrugged and waited, not knowing why Kris’s answer was so important to him.

“You know it does, Adam.” Kris moved away, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes crossing his face. “It completely does.”

Adam stayed where he was, taking in the way that Kris looked down. Kris’s smile was gone and its place was a somewhat pensive expression that made him look like he was daydreaming. Even when Kris picked up a piece of dumpling and bit on it, that faraway look in his eyes remained.

That was when Adam knew that Kris would never lie to him.

The realization took Adam’s breath away. That familiar struggle between what was real and was not settled in, and he tried to focus on the noise coming from the street, the loud sound of laughter coming from the big group of teenagers at the next table, the harsh fluorescent lighting that highlighted the yellow stains on the old painted white wall.

But Adam just found himself looking at Kris, trying to understand him, just _wanting_ to be inside and be completely let in.

 

: : : : : 

 

Kris stood on the other side of Adam’s door at eight in the morning, two cups of steaming coffee in hand. After realizing that it probably wasn’t a good idea to just knock, Kris took out his phone and called Adam to tell him to let him in.

Adam opened the door in just his pajamas and a threadbare gray shirt, his hair sticking on end and eyes bleary from sleep. Kris found himself grinning.

Adam frowned in confusion. “Kris? What…” he yawned, “are you doing here?”

“Coffee?” Kris tried not to smile too widely at how Adam looked like a sleepy puppy who just wanted nothing but to cuddle his blanket and be left alone.

“It’s Sunday.” Adam waved for him to come inside and walked ahead before sitting on the bed.

“I know you don’t stalk me during Sunday mornings.”

“Yes, it’s my time off from all the hard stalking during the week.” Kris could hear the laughter in Adam’s voice.

He handed the coffee to Adam, who took a sip and closed his eyes, head propped lazily on the stack of pillows by the headboard. His feet tangled on the covers and Kris looked on with amusement at the black-painted toes which were twitching, playing with the edges of the comforter.

“What are you doing today?” Kris said, still staring, vaguely thinking at how the early morning light that filtered through the glass door made Adam seem paler than usual.

“Sleeping.” Adam yawned again before opening his eyes and looking at Kris with a small smile on his face.

Kris felt his heartbeat quicken, his mind wandering to places he had promised not to visit since Hunter died. But now he felt as if he had walked blindly only to find himself standing in front of something he never thought he’d want or need.

The last few days he shared with Adam were entirely unexpected. There were times when Kris looked at him and thought that he might be missing out on something. He didn’t know whether it was Adam’s laughter, or the way his voice took on a melodic quality even when he spoke about something as inane as buying an apple, or the way he seemed to believe in Kris completely.

The only thing that Kris was sure of was all of those times when he just felt _everything_ as he stared at the way Adam’s face lit up. It took Kris’s breath away, this kind of fascination, and he wanted to drown in it, even for just a moment, in what he had always known was a stolen reality.

“And what are your plans? Aside from waking me up at ass o’clock,” Adam rolled his eyes and Kris could not help the laugh that escaped him.

“Well, I’m doing some volunteer work today in a community near here. Thought you’d like to come.”

“What are we doing?” Adam sat up and took a gulp from his coffee cup.

Kris tried not to notice the way Adam licked his upper lip after swallowing.

“Um, there’s this small community not far from here. Some of the people from the clinic are giving lectures and I thought we could help.”

“OK, I’m up now anyway. Let me just take a shower,” Adam was up, taking another sip of his coffee before walking over to his open suitcase and getting clothes.

“You’ve been here a month and you still have your clothes in a suitcase?” Kris asked, walking over to stand beside Adam who was still rummaging in his pile of clothes.

“Stop judging me. I was busy!”

“Yeah, I bet.”

Adam rolled his eyes at Kris, who just smirked.

Kris looked at the contents of the suitcase that were spilling out onto the floor, an assortment of items that included jeans and black shirts, as well as necklaces that were tangled together with a bunch of scarves and socks.

There was something oddly intimate in seeing the contents of someone else’s closet – or in this case, suitcase – for the first time. Kris imagined how Adam’s apartment back home must be like. He could see traces of Adam in the nondescript hotel room but he still found himself wondering how Adam arranged his cereal in the cupboard or how he stacked his pillows on the couch.

That made Kris step away and sit on the chair by the writing desk instead. He fumbled with his phone and saw that Lei had already sent him a message asking where he was. He replied that he was just picking Adam up. Lei’s reply of a winking smiley face made Kris grin from ear to ear.

“Do you want breakfast?” Kris asked while pulling at the room service menu from under Adam’s laptop.

Adam turned on the TV before walking to the bathroom and saying, “Sure, if we won’t be late.”

“We can get there by 9:30. The lecture starts at 10.”

Adam groaned. “And you woke me up at 8am?”

“I figured you needed time to get ready. So, bacon and eggs and pancakes for us?”

Adam groaned even louder and shut the bathroom door behind him. Kris called room service and stared at the wall, trying not to focus on the sound of the water coming from the shower.

The food came as Adam emerged from the bathroom, hair mussed and wet. He was dressed in jeans and a gray shirt and his face was devoid of makeup. Kris took the time to appreciate it, knowing that Adam didn’t go outdoors without even a hint of eyeliner or foundation. So when Adam showed Kris something that nobody else was allowed to see, Kris took it all in greedily, filing it away for when he needed something to make him smile.

They ate their breakfast on the desk while talking about random things. Kris told Adam about the fight that broke out in Xaymaca the previous night. Adam also showed him some of the pictures he had taken, even telling Kris about the more technical details of his job. Kris didn’t really fully understand some of it but the drone of Adam’s voice explaining the beauty of natural lighting was enough to make Kris nod in appreciation of the hard work that went into taking those beautiful pictures even more.

A comfortable silence sat between them after Adam had packed his camera back into its bag again. Kris listened closely to the sports news blaring from the TV but he was still acutely aware of the way that Adam seemed to be studying his face. That made Kris turn back and smile widely at Adam, just because he wanted to and he could.

“It’s our anniversary,” Adam stated, eyes twinkling with laughter as Kris chuckled loudly.

“What?”

“I saw you in Xaymaca for the first time one month ago.”

Kris bit his lip. “Oh yeah, you were humping some guy.”

Adam could feel the flush creeping up his face. “No, I was being humped on. There’s a difference,” he said haughtily.

“Right,” Kris replied, deadpan.

“And… and you were staring at me!”

“Yeah, so? Everyone was staring at you.” Kris smirked at the somewhat embarrassed expression on Adam’s face. “Um, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the stealth thing? It doesn’t work for you. You really are kind of hard to miss.”

“You…” Adam huffed and just concentrated on his breakfast. He was still blushing, not meeting Kris’s eyes, his hand covering his face as he looked down. Kris clenched his fists to stop himself from reaching out and touching him.

So he just settled on leaning on his elbows and inching his face closer to Adam’s. “It was pretty hot.”

Adam lifted his face and stared at Kris, a hungry look in his eyes. Kris shivered, not used to seeing that on Adam’s face, not since that first night when he saw Adam get lost in what his body felt. Kris unconsciously bit his lip as he recalled, and Adam’s eyes grew darker, his breathing becoming faster.

Kris leaned back in his chair and blinked. Adam broke the gaze and quickly looked down again but Kris could see that he was still breathing deeply, hands gripping the edge of the desk tightly.

There was a stilted silence. Kris was trying to get himself together, shifting uneasily and making his jeans drag down his half-hard cock. Adam just continued eating, sneaking in peeks at Kris, his face red and perfect.

Kris cleared his throat. “Happy 1st month anniversary then.”

Adam snorted, shook his head and then let out an unbridled laugh, the sound filling the room. Kris looked at Adam’s face and could not help but join in, allowing himself to let go and just be.

Adam unofficially started volunteering in the health centre that day. He visited the clinic more often and became familiar with what they were doing, sitting in on lectures and doing what he could to help with the health programmes. He also became the go-to guy for food and coffee when the staff couldn’t step away from their work stations. He started talking to the clinic’s regular patients, making them smile as he tried to speak in the local dialect with his accent.

And Kris had never felt happier. Not even when he stepped off the plane and set foot in Mongolia for the first time after leaving Dallas almost five years ago. He had travelled all over since, refusing to come back despite his family’s pleas.

It was not like Kris was never happy; it was just that he never actually felt, for the lack of a better word, free. There were moments – when he met Jade and wrote his first love songs, or when he realized that Hunter could feel something more than just the intense friendship they had, or when his parents hugged him after he was named the Bell heir – when he felt like himself, like he wasn’t itching to get out of his skin and just _be_.

So Kris travelled, fully aware that leaving a place did not mean leaving his life behind. He felt he deserved that reprieve, that he needed to find his place in the world on his own and not because the hand of fate handed it to him with a legacy that was meant to define his entire existence.

And then Adam came along, disrupting his peace, barging into his life knowing everything that he wanted to forget for even just a while, just a breath. He confused Kris with his beautiful smile, with the way his eyes sometimes seemed unseeing even as they saw everything. And Kris just wanted to hold on to the way that Adam made him feel because he knew that whatever it was, it was meant to stay in this place where he was just Kris and nothing else.

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam and Kris started spending a lot of time together, their schedules merging without either of them being consciously aware of it. They would spend the mornings either at the centre or in a community for some health programme. Then, they would take pictures of churches around the city in the afternoon before heading out to try some local delicacy for dinner.

It was on one of those afternoons that they discovered Paco Park. The park was old and the traces of Spanish colonialism in the architecture were evident in the stone arches and the cobblestone walls. They had been told that it was an old cemetery, and Adam spent a lot of time taking pictures of the wall niches where some of the bodies were buried. Kris just walked on and sipped his black jelly drink, enjoying the quiet that seemed to be contained within the walled park.

There was a small chapel in the park and Adam waited until the sunlight dulled into a warm yellow before taking pictures, aiming to highlight the ancient beauty of the stones. They went inside and the tint of the stained glass windows were reflected inside the chapel, stretching like a long blue shadow. The wooden cross at the altar was surrounded by fresh white and yellow chrysanthemums, its fresh smell blending with the musty air.

“Have you always wanted to be a photographer?” Kris asked softly, his deep voice echoing within the chapel’s walls. He was sitting on a pew right beside Adam, who was kneeling on the aisle, his camera pointed towards the altar.

Adam’s fingers continued clicking, his eyes still focused on his subject, even as he answered, “I never really wanted to be anything when I was a kid. I was too busy trying to separate reality from what my brain fed me.”

“Wow, you could’ve just told me that you wanted to be an astronaut.”

Adam snorted. “Ok then, I wanted to be an astronaut.”

“Right.”

Adam winked at him. “I really am kind of easy.”

Adam was still laughing as he sat on the floor and stretched his legs before lying on his back. His camera was trained towards the church’s ceiling, taking one photograph after another.

Kris breathed deeply, his mind clearing as the moment stretched on. The only sound that could be heard came from the camera’s shutter which went off continuously; the church’s walls seemed to magnify it within the silence.

And then there was just him and Adam – Adam, who had then brought the camera away from his face, his blue eyes sharp and beautiful and so open. Kris took in the way he was sprawled on the floor of the church, how his shirt rode up and revealed a sliver of pale skin right above the waistband of his jeans, the way his thumb was lightly tracing the outer rim of the camera’s lens slowly.

He made Kris wish that he hadn’t learned to fight so hard.

“Kris,” Adam whispered. “I’ve always wanted to take pictures, take happy, sad and life-changing moments, and keep them forever. It’s fascinating how pictures are visions of reality but they really won’t be able to tell the whole story.”

Kris nodded, eyes unwavering on Adam’s face. And he just had to say, “I always wondered what it would be like to be born as someone else.”

Adam got on his feet and walked over to sit beside Kris on the pew. He touched Kris’s cheek lightly, a small sad smile tugging on his lips before wrapping Kris in his arms, making everything fade away except for the silence that settled in Kris’s heart, peaceful and perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

_Someone was following her._

 _The alley was dark and the warm evening air hung in mists around her. Her senses were filled with an intoxicating scent, sweet and pungent like a chain of withering petals left far too long inside an ancient church. Maybe it had been left to hang around the neck of a stone statue or just laid down on the cold marble floor but when she closed her eyes, she could almost see the colours reflected from the stained glass windows, making the brown-edged crimson blooms look beautifully tragic as it approached its inevitable death._

 _She looked behind her, the darkness becoming thicker as she took another step forward. She had been walking down this road for what felt like hours and it seemed like there was no end in sight._

 _She had to run. Shadows were friendlier in the daylight, she thought, even as her heart relentlessly pounded. The sound of her feet on the slightly wet road felt like they were screams in the middle of the dark and quiet night. She reached her hands out, trying to find her way towards the pinpoint prick of light and life._

 _And then, her palms were touching a cold stone wall. She felt her hands close into a fist as the moisture made her blood freeze in her veins. A warm heaviness settled itself on her shoulder and she felt them sag as her brain went haywire. Her skirt was lifted up and she opened her hands, her palms feeling the coldness seep in._

 _She wanted to look behind her but the smell arrested her senses, so close, as if it was coming from the wall itself. She pressed her cheek closer to the wall, trying to inhale, just wanting to breathe in some more. Her body was cold but the inside of her thigh was warm and it made her mewl like a cat in heat._

 _Her mind whispered for her to reach out and touch it. So she did, but her hand grasped nothing but emptiness. The slight touch on her cheek distracted her and she moaned again, wanting that warmth to surround her, to get inside her._

 _It felt like an ancient dance and she revelled in the sensations, not wanting to let it end. The sounds and images of reality started to become more distant and a small part of her wanted to reach out and hold on to it. But the warmth was making it very hard for her. It made her feel that she didn’t need anything else and maybe she didn’t, not when all of her desires and passions were being realized right there in the darkness._

 _She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into the green eyes of a cat which was standing by her feet. Its head was cocked to the side, watching her every movement, taking in every thrust of her hips as she rocked herself into the wall in complete abandon._

 _She was still looking at the cat when she felt the wind pick up and whip her hair across her face. She did not even flinch, not even when she realized that something silky and soft came in contact with her cheeks before falling slowly by her feet. Not long after, the cat was surrounded by red rose petals, all dancing with the breeze along with the low thrum of buzzing in her ears and the frantic motion of her hips._

 _She screamed as she finally felt herself coming. It was then that the cat got up with its tail lazily moving in the air back and forth, and licked its paws before laying it gently on her feet. And then just like that, she fell on the pavement, her eyes wide and unseeing, and her hands cold and lifeless._

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam sat bolt upright in bed, his head still filled with the images from his dream. His heart was beating madly and he could feel the sweat above his upper lip. He scrambled to get the comforter tighter around him, staring blankly at the ceiling as he gasped for breath. The only light in the room came from the lamp on the writing desk and it was not enough to chase the images away. He flailed blindly until he was able to flip the switch on the bedside table, and then the room was bathed in light, making Adam step back into reality.

It was the first time that he had that dream but he knew what he had seen as soon as he saw the image of the red rose petals strewn across the lifeless body. He tried to control his breathing, focusing entirely on the plugged in laptop on top of the desk from across the room. When his heartbeat began to slow down, he forced himself to walk over to the desk and opened the Bell files. He clicked on the folder that was completely about Montgomery Bell's side of the family.

He scrolled through the pictures and their captions, reading carefully and trying to confirm if he recognized the face he saw in his dream correctly. And just as he was about to think that he might have just imagined it, he reached the last page of the document and there she was, smiling, as if taunting him.

Adam quickly closed the document and reached for his phone with trembling hands. Soon after, Allison's voice was on the other line, bathing him with relief.

But Adam couldn’t speak. He just wanted to breathe.

Allison started to say his name repeatedly in panic. Adam shook his head and his voice was raspy when he said, "I saw Charlotte Bell. I watched her die, Allison."

Allison gasped in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"It was her. She was in a dark alley and then there was someone but I couldn't see what or who it was. All I saw were red rose petals and the darkness... and there was a smell, like someone was dying..." Adam recoiled at the memory and he gripped the phone tighter, "and there was a huge cat with green eyes and..."

"A cat?"

"Yes, it was the last thing Charlotte saw before she died."

The fear in Allison’s voice was evident. “Did you see Sylvia Allen?”

“No, I just felt what Charlotte felt and...”

There was silence from Allison's end for a while. When she spoke, her voice was heavy with trepidation. "Adam, are you OK? Because I need you to be OK. I need for you to come back home and put this behind you."

Adam breathed heavily as the concern in Allison's voice got to him. He knew she was right but he thought of Kris and he was more convinced than ever that these things were happening for a reason, that it all led him to Kris.

And he knew that despite everything, it was all going to be worth it in the end.

Allison sounded desperately sad and resigned when she said, "Maybe there are just some things that you're not meant to understand. Didn't you ever think of it that way?"

Adam shook his head and with his voice barely a whisper, he said, "I did. I _do_. I just refuse to accept that this is one of those."

“Sylvia Allen was accused of killing Charlotte Bell, Adam. Seeing Charlotte’s death means that you have to back off right now and figure out a way to deal with this.” Adam started to say something but Allison raised her voice to cut him off. “Because this thing you’re doing with Kris is definitely not helping.”

Adam closed his eyes tightly. He knew that the dream he just had was that of the original Bell murder, the one which became the precedent for everything that defined the family.

Sylvia Allen married Montgomery Bell shortly after Charlotte Bell’s death. Days before Charlotte’s body was found in the dark alley, witnesses had seen Sylvia’s cat Xander walking around the area. People knew that Xander never left Sylvia’s side – he was even included in Sylvia’s family portraits – and that information somehow progressed into a murder investigation meant to implicate Sylvia.

It was all ruled out as plainly coincidental; after all, it was perfectly normal for cats to stray away from their mistresses. Since then, Sylvia and Montgomery began building their empire, their beautiful family revered and envied.

Charlotte and Montgomery had one daughter, and she quietly disappeared after her mother’s death. It was never known whether Montgomery tried to look for her, and it became a subject discussed as an afterthought when talking about the Bell family history.

But the mystery of Charlotte’s death still haunted the Bells years after Sylvia had left it behind her. The fact that it was what tied him to Kris only just made Adam want to stay.

Allison’s voice broke through Adam’s thoughts. He could almost see the tears in her eyes when she said, “just promise me that you’ll come back home, Adam.”

He answered without hesitation. “I will. We will.”

And odd as it seemed, Adam had never been more certain of anything in his life.

 

: : : : : 

 

Caleruega, a church which sat at the top of a hill, was one of the places Adam wanted to photograph the most. He chose to go there late in the afternoon so he could capture the soft muted light from the soon-to-be-setting sun. As soon as he arrived, he sat in one of the pews, looking up at the relics at the altar and relishing the quietness that had eluded him in the last few days.

He thought about how he set out to follow the almost physical pull he had felt within him since he first saw Jade Capriccio die, and how differently everything had turned out from what he’d expected. In many ways, it was how life always shaped up for him, made frighteningly beautiful by all the unexpected diversions and pleasant surprises.

He never thought that Kris would become his friend, never realized that he could fall in love with him. But then it happened in the middle of everything, when Adam was not actively looking, until he woke up one day and realized that these unexpected moments had become his reality.

He never really knew if he could turn back.

What he was certain of was that he didn’t want to.

It felt oddly domestic when he saw that Kris had texted him, asking how his trip went. Adam revelled in the moment for a while before answering that he was going to be home soon and he couldn’t wait to show Kris the pictures he’d taken.

Adam walked towards the far end of the church’s garden where a plot of different flowers was in full bloom. Yellow bells were creeping on the moss-filled brick wall and right by Adam’s feet were shrubs of red roses. He took out his camera and completely lost himself in the way that the golden shadows of the setting sun played against the petals. It wasn’t until the sounds coming from the street dissipated into a quiet hum did he realize that he was already standing on the stairs leading to the church’s bell tower.

He started to walk back to the garden but then there was a sweet smell, making him turn back in surprise. There was an almost palpable heaviness in the air and it made him drag his feet quickly up the winding staircase until his back was pressed against the cool and moist stone wall of the bell tower.

He closed his eyes and the visions started coming – Jade gasping out her last breath, Hunter smiling at one of the centre’s patients, Charlotte helpless against the cold wall.

Then there was Kris – and then Adam was brought back to the first time that he saw Kris in Xaymaca, the air between them heavy with a sense of foreboding. Suddenly, he saw Kris’s face contorted in pleasure, his mouth open in a soundless gasp, his eyes dark with an intensity that made Adam’s cock stir, so strong that Adam just had to touch himself.

Adam moaned as he felt his legs start to turn to jelly. He was still vaguely aware of how he was stroking himself through his pants but all he wanted was to go home and be with Kris. He could almost taste the fear like a bitter aftertaste and he hadn’t even realized that he had bitten his lower lip until it bled. He wiped it with his thumb, the scent in the air making his eyes droop.

And then he was coming, so hard that it took him by surprise, his vision darkening in its intensity. The orgasm left him boneless and he was breathing deeply, trying to get the rhythm of his heart back to normal. He was becoming more aware of where he was and the sound of people talking from below the staircase made him want to go back to where there was nothing but light.

The cold mountain air blew and Adam shivered. He slowly opened his eyes and saw that the breeze was blowing red rose petals towards him. As one petal touched his cheek lightly, he saw a young woman standing a few feet away from him. There was a small smile on her face as she walked towards Adam, only stopping when she was just a few inches away. She touched his face gently, thumb tracing circles on Adam’s chin. She smelled of roses, Adam thought, and he blinked.

Then it was Kris before him, wearing that mischievous smile that Adam couldn’t resist. So he smiled back, not minding the very strong breeze blowing petals around them. He reached out to touch before he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and that was when he saw everything.

Kris, helping him lift boxes of pamphlets to distribute on one of their earlier health missions, mouth opened in delighted laughter.

Or the way Kris had sat in the middle of the noisy Chinese restaurant on the first dinner they shared, face pensive and uncharacteristically peaceful amidst all the chaos.

But it was the fleeting unguarded vulnerability that snuck into Kris’s eyes which made Adam reach for the phone he knew was in his pocket just so he could hear Kris’s voice.

Adam was startled when he saw Kris standing before him, eyes clouded with confusion and a slight trace of fear. Adam wanted to ask Kris why he seemed so worried but Adam looked at the phone in his hand and back at Kris, and his eyes widened.

It happened very quickly. And then Adam was bodily turned until he was face to face with the wall. He could feel the outline of Kris’s cock in the cleft of his ass and he moaned as he struggled. He managed to pry Kris away from his back and he ran away panting, his pulse beating wildly.

He turned back before running down the stairs but Kris was gone and instead he found the young woman he saw earlier, looking at him with something akin to pain in her face. Adam walked towards her, thinking for the briefest of moments that he was probably dreaming. When he was close enough, he saw that the young woman’s hands were bleeding from the thorns of the roses she was holding, the blood flowing like crimson tears all over her fingers.

And that was when he knew. That was the moment he realized that the answer to the questions his visions gave him was finally there for him to see.

He turned back quickly, almost tripping on his own feet as he ran away. And just as he was about to reach the bottom of the stairs, he felt a blunt force to the back of his head and he felt himself fall into an abyss of darkness.

 

: : : : : 

 

Kris got the call while he was on a break from a very busy Friday night shift in Xaymaca.

And in less than five minutes, he was in a cab speeding towards the south of Manila, the words, “Adam Lambert was in an accident. He had you listed as his person to call in case of an emergency,” racing through his mind over and over again.

It took Kris two hours to get to Adam and those two hours were some of the longest of his life.

Adam was already sleeping when Kris got to the hospital; the nurse handed him Adam’s bag and camera. She said that they found Adam behind Caleruega, barely conscious with blood dripping from the side of his head. He looked at Adam’s backpack again, and then at the single red rose petal that had found its way inside the pocket.

He stood up, walked out into the hallway and dialled a number which he hadn't called in years. Halfway through the second ring, the call was picked up.

"Kris."

Kris took a deep breath, the happiness he felt in hearing the familiar voice from long ago surprising him.

"Brad, it's been a while."

Brad chuckled, the sound a distinct reminder of everything that Kris left behind. "I'll say. How are you?"

Brad spoke with a nonchalance that made anger shoot through Kris. He took a deep breath before saying, "Are you the one doing it?"

The silence coming from Brad was enough to make Kris seethe. His heart was pounding in his chest when he slowly said, "answer me, Brad."

"You're family, Kris. We will never do anything to hurt you or the people you love." Brad spoke quietly, his voice laced with hurt.

Despite everything, Kris knew that Brad was telling him the truth. But instead, he said, "I know you want me back. I don't even know why I was made heir, I didn't ask for it..."

"You know why, Kris."

There were a lot of things Kris did not know about his family, about their history that made them who they were. But there was only one truth that remained through the years, and that was their legacy had endured because the chosen Bell heirs were always blessed with a gift.

Kris thought that maybe it was just time to accept that.

Brad sighed. “Just say the word and I’ll find them for you. I don’t know why they singled you out…”

“They think they can break me.”

Brad snorted then let out a tinkling laugh. “Oh, please tell me you’re going to prove them wrong. You know how much I like surprising people!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right. Of course you don’t,” Kris could hear the smile in Brad’s voice. “Come home when you’re ready. I’ll hold the fort while you’re out there conquering the world.”

Kris grinned despite himself. “What if I don’t come home?”

Brad laughed again and when he spoke, it sounded almost arrogant in its certainty. “Oh, you will. You’re family.”

Kris shook his head as he imagined Brad’s impish grin. But he looked at Adam’s sleeping form from the slightly open door and felt his chest constrict. When he finally spoke again, it was barely a whisper.

“Just... I need for him to be OK.”

It took a few seconds before Brad replied, his voice equally solemn and firm. “OK, don’t be mad but I’ve sent people to follow Adam around...”

“What?” That was definitely not what Kris expected to hear. “I know you keep tabs on me, but Adam?”

“You've become so close to him, Kris. That just never happens, OK? You never let someone get through to you after what happened to Jade.”

Kris gritted his teeth. “So you do know who did this to him?”

“My people are already working on it. Give me another hour. Then I’ll let you know who’s doing this to _you_.”

Kris felt the anger draining away as something akin to relief flooded through him. “Thank you, Brad.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Kris. We protect our own. It’s always been that way.” The serious tone in Brad’s voice was quickly replaced by a slightly teasing one that made Kris grin. “By the way, your boy’s hot.”

“He is totally amazing.” He cleared his throat. “And it’s different with him. He makes me really happy.”

“With him looking like that, I’m sure he does. Duh.”

They laughed together, the first time in five years, and it loosened the knot in Kris’s chest.

Before ending the call, Brad said, “Bring Adam home, Kris. He needs to meet the family.”

Kris looked at Adam once again before he answered, “I will. If he lets me.”

 

: : : : : 

 

The first thing Adam saw when he opened his eyes was the darkness, the silence surrounding him like a blanket. He was exhausted, a dull pain coming from the back of his head, and all he wanted was just to go back to sleep.

Then it all came rushing back. The barrage of images made his heart stutter and his breath catch in his throat, and he could feel the fear start to completely take over.

But then he saw Kris standing beside his bed, eyes bright and unblinking as they stared at Adam, his hands deftly touching his face, his hair. He was whispering something and Adam could not understand it, but he held on to it like it was the salvation he needed to wake up from this nightmare.

“Are you really here?” Adam found himself asking, just wanting to make sure.

Kris smiled, his gaze unwavering as he continued to look at Adam with such blinding intensity. His voice trembled when he said, “stay with me.”

Adam nodded, pushing away the images and the pain to hold on to Kris’s hand tightly.

They held on to each other, their deep breaths the only sound heard in the dark room. The silence was broken when a nurse came in to check on Adam, and Kris had to step away from him.

Kris’s phone rang, and Adam saw his face harden into a mixture of relief and tension as he walked away to answer the call. He couldn’t hear Kris clearly but Adam vaguely heard him say Brad’s name a couple of times.

As soon as he was off the phone, Kris was back at Adam’s side, grabbing his hand to lace their fingers together.

Kris was smiling when he said, “Brad says hi. He wants to meet you.”

“I’d love to meet him.” Adam squeezed his hand. “So you’re talking again?”

Kris nodded, his shoulders tensing. Adam could see the coldness flitting briefly in his eyes before being replaced by affection when his gaze settled on Adam’s face.

Adam suddenly felt very tired and he yawned. “Come here and cuddle me. I’m sleepy.”

Kris got on the bed and put his arm gently over Adam’s stomach. He was on his side, his face tucked in the crook of Adam’s neck. He scooted up and kissed Adam’s cheek before saying, “I probably won’t be here when you wake up but don’t worry, OK? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Adam nodded, already half-asleep, the shadows threatening to take over his dreams fading away as the sound of Kris’s steady breathing lulled him to sleep.

 

: : : : : 

 

Kris stood outside a flower shop in the middle of a huge shopping mall, his eyes fixed on the slight young woman arranging a bouquet of Malaysian mums behind the counter. She was smiling as the customer left the store but her smile disappeared in an instant when she saw Kris walking in.

She nodded in greeting when Kris handed her a bouquet of red roses and some money. “Good choice, Sir.”

“Thank you.” Kris fixed his eyes on her beautiful face, the blue eyes hard even as her lips curved into a small smile. For some reason, the rigid set of her shoulders made Kris relax and he smirked confidently. “They’re my boyfriend’s favourite.”

The girl – her nametag said she was Francesca – rang up the purchase before turning away from Kris and getting some wrapping paper. She wrapped the silver and white paper around the roses and handed it to Kris. But as she was turning away, Kris grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

She was obviously surprised but her face smoothed with a calm expression in a second, mouth turning up on one side in a sneer as she said, “Oh. You know. ”

The voice that came out of Kris was full of contained rage.

“Stay away from him.”

“I didn’t think you had it in you,” she laughed as she tugged her wrists away from Kris’s grip. She brushed the strawberry blonde hair away from her face and leaned closer, her lips lightly brushing Kris’s ear as she spoke. “And I won’t stop. Not until I get what I want.”

Kris let out a mirthless laugh. “Whatever it is, you’re not getting it. Not from me, not from my family.”

“Oh, but you’re an heir, Kristopher Allen, the one I’ve been waiting for.”

At what must have been a confused expression on Kris’s face, she chuckled. “For years, the Bells have been living the life that should’ve belonged to my family. I just want to get it back.”

Despite his resolve to not be intimidated, Kris shivered at the coldness in her eyes which perfectly matched the tone of her voice. “And you’re an Allen, which is even better – poetic justice and all that, since you’re a direct descendant of the woman who stole everything from my grandmother. And you thought it would’ve made her happy but no, she had to kill her too.”

“Since I was a child and knew about the story, it always filled me with rage when one of you strutted as if the life and privilege you have is rightfully yours. Black magic, they said.”

She moved away from Kris and gripped the edge of the countertop where the rose bouquet lay forgotten. “It was easier than I expected. And then you were named heir! I felt like it was suddenly Christmas every single day.”

Francesca laughed loudly. “I mean, a Bell heir being convicted for murder will be the start of your hateful family’s downfall. It’s just a bonus that you’ll be suffering from losing all the people you loved.”

She then fixed her eyes on Kris, a smirk firmly placed on her lips. “My grandmother would’ve been so proud.”

The words were ringing in Kris’s ears as he stared fixedly at Francesca’s face, the shock and realization ironically calming him.

“Sad story. Unfortunately, you chose to mess with me.”

Francesca’s mouth opened a little in shock as Kris stared her down, his breathing steady and quiet. This time, he was the one who leaned forward and he gripped the back of Francesca’s neck lightly.

“Consider this a warning if you know what’s good for you.”

And then he let go, grabbing the roses from the counter. Francesca’s eyes were filled with rage, her menacing smile showing Kris that this was not over.

But with Adam’s face flashing through his mind, Kris decided that it had to be, and in the end, it was all that ever mattered.

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam stayed in the hospital for a few more days, his face gaining more color as he slowly recovered. The doctor told Kris that thankfully, the people who found Adam were very quick in getting him to the hospital. If not, he would’ve bled to death. The thought of Adam bleeding and abandoned at the church’s bell tower tortured Kris, and the resolve to keep Adam in his life grew stronger with every moment he spent with him.

In what felt like no time at all, Adam was back in his hotel room, Kris staying with him whenever he didn’t have to be anywhere else. He also managed to speak to Allison, who was frantic with fear when she learned about what had happened to Adam.

“And you’re staying with him now?” Kris could feel the reluctance in Allison’s voice.

“I am, actually,” he answered without any bad feelings. He knew what Allison thought of him, and if he were in her place, he would’ve felt the same way.

Allison called Adam everyday and Kris watched as Adam sat huddled in a corner of the room, whispering into his phone. He could not hear what he said clearly but the tone of his voice implied that he was reassuring her that he was fine.

But the way that Adam seemed to withdraw from Kris was what bothered Kris the most. Kris often caught Adam watching him with an intensity that made him nervous. They had never talked about what happened in the church, what Adam felt and saw, but Kris knew that it must have had left Adam confused, if the way he seemed to flinch whenever Kris touched him was any indication.

Kris tried not to let that get to him because in all the time that he had known Adam, he learned that anything that sat between them had a way of unravelling itself in time. Kris’s faith in what they had between them surprised even him but Kris was done being afraid, especially when he saw the tenderness that always settled briefly in Adam’s eyes whenever they touched.

Kris asked the people in the health centre to watch over Adam whenever he had to be somewhere else: he couldn’t leave anything to chance. After a few more days, Adam became more restless and withdrawn, something that became evident when he began to snap at people.

“Do you want to go out?” Kris asked Adam quietly, soon after Adam kicked his suitcase which was still lying on the floor of his room.

Adam sat on the bed, his head clutched in his hands.

“I just need to be left alone, Kris. Is that too much to ask?”

Kris felt his jaw clench tightly, something that happened every time he saw the bandage at the base of Adam’s neck, every time Adam seemed so defeated. “I just need you to be safe.”

“It’s not your fault that this happened to me.”

“I’m not even sure if you still actually believe that.”

They sat looking at each other, the silence in the room deafening. Kris swallowed thickly as he wondered how this would play out, and how it was more frightening than when he confronted Francesca.

And then Adam reached out to him, his arms going around Kris. Kris hadn’t realized that he was holding his breath and as Adam’s familiar smell surrounded him, he felt the relief flooding through him, making him grip Adam tighter, unafraid and certain.

 

: : : : : 

 

The music was already pounding when Kris saw Adam arrive in Xaymaca. It felt like years rather than weeks since Kris had first seen Adam walk into the club, an unrehearsed air of confidence emanating from him despite the unsure way that his eyes flitted back and forth to where Kris stood then. It disturbed Kris at that time but now the memory was something that Kris thought of fondly, inappropriate and weird as it may seem, just like the rest of their relationship.

But there comes a point when the truth ceases to become an afterthought and the fantasy begins to play itself out. And that night, looking at Adam walking across the bar with a smile on his face, Kris felt that distinct line being crossed.

There was no turning back now.

He was preparing Adam’s vodka soda when Adam reached the bar. Adam was leaning on his elbows on the counter when Kris turned back to give him the drink.

“I thought you weren't working tonight,” Adam said. His eyes were lined heavily with black liner and made up with some blue shadow. It made his eyes look as if they were shining, bright and mischievous.

“I’m not. I just wanted to make you a drink,” Kris replied before coming out from behind the bar to sit on the stool beside Adam.

Adam remained standing, sipping his drink as his eyes roamed the bar where the Friday night crowd was dancing along to Tropical Smoothie.

Kris reached out to touch Adam’s cheek, Adam clearly startling with the light touch. “Dance with me?”

Adam nodded, taking Kris’s hand in his as he got off the stool. Their eyes did not leave each other’s faces, and Kris faltered when he saw Adam’s half-opened mouth, shining with gloss. When Adam licked his lower lip, Kris wanted nothing more than to touch that mouth with his own, suck on his tongue and know what it felt like to fall.

So he leaned up, went on his toes, and licked Adam’s bottom lip with his tongue. It tasted like strawberries, slightly sticky. But Kris liked it, so he ran his tongue gently over Adam’s lips again.

Adam’s mouth parted even more, his breath lightly brushing over Kris’s face. Kris took a small step back and looked into Adam’s eyes, as he felt Adam’s hands going down and kneading his ass through his jeans. Kris closed his eyes at the almost-brutal touch, biting his lip as he ground closer to Adam, feeling his cock become harder and his breathing more desperate.

Adam’s breathing was just as labored when he spoke into Kris’s ear, his voice a low growl making Kris helpless and needy. “Open your eyes, Kris. Let me see you.”

Kris opened his eyes as Adam began to move to the music, the movement of his hips guiding Kris’s. He could feel the outline of Adam’s cock brushing against his own, and Kris felt like he had never needed anything more in his life.

The song ended but they did not move away from each other, mouthing at each other’s skin, hands roaming free and leaving goose bumps in their wake. The cloud of want filled Kris and as he looked up, he was sure that he mirrored Adam’s expression, one of awe and reverence and the desperate need to just take and be felt.

“We should leave,” Kris whispered into Adam’s mouth before going in for a deep kiss, tongue slippery against Adam’s.

“Yeah.” Adam moved away, only to lean back in and taking Kris’s bottom lip between his teeth.

After giving Adam’s swollen mouth one last kiss, Kris reluctantly moved away, willing his hands to stop touching. Adam laughed and his eyes sparkled, the distance that sat there within the last few weeks completely gone.

Kris chuckled too, his face scrunching up when Adam moaned as Kris ground their erections together before stepping away.

And then he saw Francesca.

She was standing on the side of the stage, her eyes fixed on Kris and Adam. There was a small smile playing on her lips and she raised her glass in greeting when she saw that Kris was looking at her.

A shiver ran through Kris, anger and fear coalescing together until he felt nothing but cold rage. But Adam touched his face gently, his eyes questioning and Kris felt his heartbeat slow down, until his breathing returned back to normal even as he gripped Adam’s hand tightly.

Kris looked around but Francesca was nowhere in sight, her strawberry blonde hair absent in the middle of the dancing crowd. He quickly turned to Jesse, who was standing behind the bar at that time, and asked her to talk to Adam while he went somewhere.

“Where are you going?”

Adam was worried, Kris could tell from his voice, so he stood on his toes and spoke into Adam’s ear. “Bathroom. Stay with Jesse, I’ll be back soon.”

Kris moved away from Adam and went straight to the crowd of people in the middle of the dance floor. When he reached the side of the stage, he stepped up until he was able to scan the whole bar but Francesca was still nowhere in sight.

He let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding. Maybe he had just imagined it, the events of the past few weeks making him see things that weren’t even there. His hands were still shaking though, and he clasped them together, smiling vaguely at the band playing on stage.

From across the stage, he could see Adam talking animatedly to someone whose back was turned to Kris. The corner of Adam’s mouth was slightly turned up – the beginnings of a smile – but he suddenly frowned and moved away slightly from the person he was talking to. Adam looked slightly confused and then Kris saw Adam’s shoulders slump, hair falling over his turned-down face.

The person who was talking to Adam removed her hat, her strawberry blonde hair tumbling down as she turned to look at Kris. Kris felt his blood freeze when he saw Francesca and even from across the room, he could see the pure hatred in her eyes as she inclined her head to give Kris a small nod. She raised her hand in a wave and started to walk away.

Kris crossed the stage in a hurry, running behind the still-playing band who looked up at him in surprise. He jumped off and ran towards the bar where Jesse was now standing beside Adam and gently tapping his arm.

Jesse’s face was lined with worry as she took in the panic that was etched over Kris’s features. “I just went away for a second to get him a drink and then when I came back, he was talking to this girl and she gave him this.” She gestured towards a single red rose lying on the floor beside Adam’s feet.

Kris swallowed hard, willing the fear he felt to go away. Adam should be fine, he should be safe, he should be with Kris and Kris promised himself that he would not let a day pass by without making sure that he was.

But now Adam was slowly turning his face up, his blue eyes almost glassy as he stared unseeingly into space. His mouth was slightly opened and he spoke, his mouth forming words that Kris could not understand.

Kris cupped Adam’s face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes and whispering Adam’s name over and over again, like a plea.

But Adam just looked through Kris, his warm breath brushing over Kris’s face.

And Kris did the only thing he could. He kissed him.

 

: : : : : 

 

Adam could see Kris’s face, bathed in shadows as the light shone from behind his head. He could see the golden flecks in Kris’s eyes and Adam loved the way they seemed to shine. He could feel Kris’s hands on his face, his comforting voice whispering Adam’s name and a consuming warmth settled over his heart; it was like coming home and all Adam wanted was just to stay there for a while.

But the girl with the bleeding hands came and wanted to talk to him. He was not sure what she meant when she said that Adam deserved all the flowers he could get. And he said so.

That was when the pain came – blinding and powerful. It grasped at his heart and he was powerless to fight it. It felt like giving up was the only way to set him free and that was what he wanted.

He was just so tired.

But he could hear Kris’s voice from afar, still calling out to him, his voice broken and pleading for Adam to come back, to be with him, to stay forever.

Adam had never had an easier choice to make.

 

: : : : : 

 

Someone was kissing him. Adam blinked and saw Kris’s face, his eyes tightly shut and his brow furrowed as his lips moved over Adam’s. His hands were cold and trembling where they rested over Adam’s cheeks. Adam could sense the urgency coming from Kris, completely different from the way he was kissing Adam – chaste and tender, almost reverent.

Adam lifted his arm to put his right hand gently over Kris’s. Kris’s eyes snapped open, and Adam could see the combined fear and relief in them, willing him to answer all the questions that Kris wanted to ask.

“Kris,” was all he could say and Kris stared into his eyes, searching and hoping to find what Adam knew he would.

Finally, Kris smiled, hands going warm under Adam’s touch. And this time, it was Adam who kissed Kris, hungry and needy, like he’d never know what to do if everything he had in his arms at that moment were to go away again.

Kris kissed him back, just as desperate, all teeth and tongue, gasping into Adam’s mouth. Kris’s hands were everywhere, like he wanted to make sure that Adam was really there, that this was really happening.

Adam rolled his hips gently over Kris’s to say that yes, he was never going away.

Kris moaned low in his throat and pulled back to look at Adam’s face. Kris’s eyes were warm and he gently kissed Adam’s nose, his ears, eyes that fluttered shut.

Kris then rested his forehead over Adam’s before whispering, “let’s go home,” and Adam shuddered at the obvious need in his voice.

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other in the cab on their way to Adam’s hotel. Adam could feel the intense need in his gut with each touch, with each kiss, with each bite.

It was never enough, could never be enough – not even when Adam pushed Kris against the wall and rutted against him, both of them still fully-clothed. Adam put his hands over Kris’s ass, pushing him up as Adam ground down, the friction making them pant against each other’s open mouths, tongues touching as they moaned.

Adam felt Kris’s hand grab his cock through his jeans and he shut his eyes in intense pleasure and pain, a guttural sound coming from his throat. Adam opened his eyes to see Kris smirking at him as Kris gently loosened his touch until it was almost feather-like.

Adam grabbed the front of Kris’s shirt and gently dragged him to bed. When they reached it, Kris shook free of Adam’s grip and took off his shirt while pushing Adam towards the headboard. He then clumsily unbuckled Adam’s jeans and took out Adam’s cock before taking it into his mouth.

Adam bucked off the bed, making Kris choke slightly, but Kris just moaned. Adam could feel Kris’s tongue slither over his cock, could feel the heat and the wetness and the way his throat closed when Kris swallowed.

But Kris was looking at him intently, like Adam was an illusion that could disappear any second. And Adam couldn’t look away, not even when his hips started to move on their own, moving rhythmically against Kris’s face.

Kris slurped the head of Adam’s cock before moving away and taking out a packet of lube and a condom from the pocket of the jeans that he had just taken off. He then took Adam’s hand, kissed the fingers one by one, licked at the palm. Then, he was coating Adam’s fingers with lube.

Adam took over, reaching over to pull Kris into his lap, gently asking Kris to spread his legs a little wider, to get on his knees and move a little closer. Kris went willingly and Adam gently ran his fingers over Kris’s ass, his head filled with the noises coming from Kris.

He looked up when he felt one of Kris’s arms wrap around his neck. He saw that Kris was staring blindly into the wall above Adam’s head, his other hand gripping the headboard tightly as he rocked against Adam’s fingers. He was whimpering Adam’s name repeatedly and Adam moaned in response, letting Kris know that he would take care of him.

And Adam made sure that he did when his teeth grazed over a pebbled nipple, when he licked at the back of an ear even as Kris moved relentlessly around three of his fingers, desperate and clinging and needy.

When Kris was finally sitting completely on Adam’s lap, Adam’s cock buried in him, Adam could do nothing but reach out and touch the face before him. He ran his fingers over the swollen lips, relishing the punctured gasps that came whenever Kris rode down.

When Kris finally came, his face beautiful in pleasure and love, Adam wrapped him in his arms, rocking back continuously, drawing it out, making Kris feel him.

Adam just _looked_ as Kris shuddered until he was a boneless heap in Adam’s arms. He couldn’t seem to stop kissing and touching Adam until Adam felt himself coming, the rush of emotions and pleasure making him shiver from within.

Adam’s eyelids drooped and he felt that there was something moving on the edges of darkness surrounding him. But he pushed it away, willing his eyes to open to see what was real.

And as Kris lowered his head to gently kiss Adam once again, Adam finally decided that maybe some questions were never really meant to be answered, not when it made him feel this way, not when it felt this right.

 

: : : : : 

 

It was still dark outside but the sun was starting to rise as he could see from outside the window, the sounds of the half-awake city muted behind the glass veranda door.

But Kris was already wide awake and standing at the foot of the bed, looking at Adam’s peacefully sleeping form. He had not been able to fall asleep – not even when he was wrapped in Adam’s arms, Adam’s skin warm and soft against his own, his lips resting lightly at the back of Kris’s neck.

He looked over at the bedside table and made sure that the note he scribbled was still resting under Adam’s phone. He made sure that the windows were locked before walking back to the bed and raising the comforter to Adam’s chin.

There was nothing he hated more than letting Adam wake up alone after the night they just had.

But there were things to be done.

Kris sat gingerly on the bed and kissed Adam tenderly, breathing in Adam’s scent as he did so, the memories of his touch still lingering on Kris’s skin.

He still could not believe that fate led this man to him, that every turn in the road that Kris took did not stop Adam from finding him.

Or maybe it was the other way around.

But Kris would choose to believe that they found each other when their paths finally merged, and there was nothing to do but to hold on.

The phone in his pocket vibrated and he got up, not wanting to wake Adam. He stood in the doorway as he listened to the person on the other line speak. After a minute, he said, “are you sure about this? Can it really be done? ”

Brad sighed. “Kris, you know very well that once you say the word, it would be considered done.”

Kris nodded, breathing deeply. “I want this to be over.”

“And it will be. Soon.”

“Adam’s alone here...”

Brad cut him off. “I’ll take care of it.”

Kris took another look at Adam before he turned away and walked into the hallway. He stood with his back against the door, wondering at the way that focused calmness was starting to course through him even as his heart beat wildly.

“Thank you, Brad.”

Brad huffed and Kris could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “oh shut up. You know we’d do anything for you, Kris.”

And that was that.

 

: : : : : 

 

It had been a dreamless sleep, something that Adam hadn’t experienced in a while. But as soon as his mind began to stir, he remembered Kris’s face close to his. He could see the way that Kris’s brown eyes grew intense with passion. He could almost taste him and the way he gasped out Adam’s name.

Adam reached out a hand to touch and his eyes flew open when he felt that he was alone in his bed.

Doubts began to fill Adam. Maybe he had just imagined all of it, maybe he just wanted it to happen so badly that his mind fed him with those images.

The sound of his phone on the bedside table made him turn to pick it up.

That was when he saw Kris’s note. Adam felt a rush of relief and love when he read Kris’s obviously quickly written words on the hotel stationery. Through it, Kris told Adam that what they had the previous night was the most amazing thing that had happened to him, that it made him see and feel things that he never thought possible. And that he had to take care of some things before he could be with Adam but he knew that it was all going to work out in the end because they were Kris and Adam, and it was the way that it was meant to be.

Adam re-read the note several times, a grin on his face despite the lingering emptiness he’d felt from waking up alone. Kris would be back in a few hours, he was sure of it, and Adam couldn’t wait to start the rest of his life with him.

He then turned to look at the brightly lit screen of his phone and saw that Allison had sent him an e-mail.

Adam read Kris’s note again while waiting for his e-mail to load but he dropped the note when he finally saw what Allison had sent him.

The attachment with the e-mail was a picture of a young woman lying on her side right in the middle of a flower field, her arms limp on the ground beside her. It was grainy but Adam’s professional eye could see that the sun had just risen when the picture was taken, and the morning sun made her strawberry blonde hair shine, making it the only thing that seemed alive in the picture.

Adam zoomed in on the picture, and he could feel the hairs on his head stand on end in surprise and trepidation. The woman’s unseeing eyes were suddenly before him, opened wide in fear and wonder, like she had never considered death as something that would come her way.

Adam stared at her for a while, feeling her death rather than seeing it unfold before him. And when he blinked, he was again in the middle of Xaymaca and he was talking to a girl who was handing him a single red rose.

The phone dropped into Adam’s lap and he was back in his hotel room, his heart jumping in his throat as he ran across the room to open his laptop. He quickly went through the Bell files and found what he was looking for in the folder labelled _Charlotte Bell_.

There, smiling at him from the laptop screen was Francesca Finn. She was younger in the picture that Adam was looking at but her hair was just as vibrant, her eyes just as fiercely wild. There were no details on the file except that she was very close to her mother, who was Charlotte Bell’s only daughter.

Adam swallowed thickly and he felt the fear rise up his throat when for a short moment, he was back in the church bell tower and he felt like his breath was being stolen away from him. But he shook his head and gripped the edge of the table, the wood digging into his palms and bringing him back.

He opened his e-mail through his laptop and then he was staring at the picture once again, taking in details.

And that was when he saw it, lying like a beacon in the middle of the flower field – red rose petals almost completely covering Francesca’s feet, bright and bloody red against her deathly pale skin.

 

: : : : : 

 

The sun had already set but Adam was still sitting in the middle of the church, staring blankly towards the altar. It had been hours since he left his hotel room, leaving everything behind and just walking around the city, his mind blank and quiet. He didn’t realize that his feet had taken him to this small chapel in the middle of the walled park, the one where Adam felt for the first time that he was meant to stay with Kris.

He had never been able to leave since then.

The sound of approaching footsteps did not even make Adam flinch. Somehow, in the last few hours since he had seen death’s face, he had become oblivious to fear.

Kris sat beside him on the pew. Adam turned, and there was the face that he loved, looking back at him with hesitation clouding his eyes.

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Kris muttered, not even blinking to take his eyes away from Adam’s face.

Adam shrugged. “You once told me that I know everything about you.”

Kris nodded, and Adam noticed that Kris had his hands closed tightly into fists, as if Kris was willing them to not to reach out and touch.

Adam reached out to cover Kris’s hands with his, even as their eyes never left each other’s faces.

“Do I still know everything about you?”

“You do. You always will.”

Kris’s voice was firm and certain, and he turned his palms upward so he could lace his fingers through Adam’s.

And then they were kissing, deep and intimate, like nothing either of them had felt before. Adam revelled in the feeling, the peace quietly resounding in him as he held Kris close.

Kris pulled back, panting as he traced the planes of Adam’s face with his fingers. Through the darkness, Adam could see how bright Kris’s eyes were as they focused on Adam like he was everything that Kris was waiting for.

But Adam just needed to know. He just had to be sure.

“Kris, please come home with me.”

When Kris nodded, without even a shred of doubt or fear, to say that yes, he would, Adam knew then that he was seeing something real and certain. Finally, after all those years.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ I'm so grateful to my _amazing_ and supportive betas pataisen, stickmarionette and writhedbeneath for the handholding and cheerleading. My beta team kicks ass (mine, mostly LOL) and if you liked this story, then we have them to thank.
> 
> And I wouldn’t have finished this without kristina_bitch, the best writing buddy anyone could ever hope for. I love your bossy ass, big spoon<333
> 
> Special thanks to adamaddict_rh and mozbabe for cheering me on when I first signed up for this.
> 
>  **+** The lovely claire_kay made the **[pretty art](http://palejewels.livejournal.com/17891.html) ** for this story. It’s such an awesome gift and you should all check it out. Thank you, bb, you make me smile! :D
> 
>  **+** The churches I used as setting for some scenes in the story are really beautiful. Here’s **[Caleruega](http://soloflighted.com/2009/10/24/caleruega-church-batangas/) ** and its gardens, and the chapel sitting in the middle of **[Paco Park](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paco_Park) **.
> 
>  **+** **[Xaymaca](http://flickrhivemind.net/Tags/xaymaca/Interesting) ** was a reggae bar in Quezon City but it closed in December 2008. It was an amazing place with fantastic bands, laidback crowd and great food (among other ~things :P). I still miss it.
> 
>  **+** If you want to check it out, here are the other places I mentioned in the fic: **[Ermita](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ermita,_Manila) ** (where Adam’s hotel in the story was located) and **[Malate](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malate,_Manila) ** (where Kris’s workplace was.)
> 
>  **+** Thanks for reading! :D


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